I Dated Him Just Because I Was Lonely & Seriously Regret It

Moving to the other side of the world on a whim was the bravest thing I’ve ever done. I’d never traveled on my own, but there I was, thousands of miles from home and starting a new life in a city where I didn’t know a soul. The thrill of it all lasted a few weeks, then the loneliness struck and I ended up in a relationship with someone I didn’t even like. I seriously regret it.

  1. I didn’t make any new friends. When I moved to Australia, I was inspired and motivated to meet new people and form new friendships. I went out by myself, met friends of friends, chatted to bartenders, signed up for Bumble BFF and went on friend dates. I was exhilarated until I was exhausted. As an introvert, putting myself out there socially and meeting new people took an insane amount of energy and effort. I craved the ease of my friendships back home and the comfort of close relationships. Then I met a guy who was easy, uncomplicated and had a lot of free time. I took the easy way out and stopped making an effort to meet new people or do anything on my own. I used him as a crux, a safety net for times when I was lonely.
  2. I didn’t leave my comfort zone. My goal and the underlying reason for my move to Australia was to escape my comfort zone. In my first few weeks, I grabbed life by the balls. I went on solo road trips, hiking adventures, music festivals and tried kite surfing with one of my Airbnb hosts. When I started dating this guy, rather than going on solo adventures, I went out to eat, to the movies, to the mall. I did all these mundane things I could have done at home in America.
  3. I became less confident. Once I established a relationship, I retreated into my shell. I stopped making an effort to become a more confident and outgoing person. I let him take the lead, make decisions, organize nights out and control conversations. I felt out of place and didn’t make an effort to change that. I took the back seat and ended up an even less confident person than I was when I went to Australia.
  4. I lost brain cells engaging in dull conversation. Rather than having interesting conversations with new, cultured, well-traveled people like I had intended, I spent a lot of time trying to spark a decent conversation with the person I was dating. We had absolutely nothing in common and he completely lacked depth. I thrive on deep, meaningful, intelligent conversation and was hungry to learn new things yet spent the entire time with this person talking about surface level BS and low-level minutia.
  5. I engaged in meaningless sex. In my opinion, sex should be passionate and with someone significant. Even though we were dating, I may as well been hooking up with a stranger. There was no emotion, no connection, no passion and therefore barely any orgasms.
  6. I became dependent on him. Because I was new in town and living in his country, I started to depend on him for everything. I let him take care of me, I became friends with his friends, and when he went out of town, I was lost. Rather than embracing my independence and the uncomfortableness of being in a new place, I accepted it, spent a lot of time at home, and became ashamed of myself.
  7. I wasted a lot of time. I was young, I was in a new country, I was living in a city for the first time in my life… and I wasted it. I shrunk and I let my fear get the best of me. I didn’t grow, I didn’t learn anything new, I didn’t experience anything culturally significant. I didn’t make any lasting friendships and I didn’t become a better, more confident person.
  8. He ended up getting hurt. In the end, as I eagerly packed up my bags and celebrated my return home, he got hurt. Regardless of the fact that I was completely detached and not into him, I still participated in the relationship. I acted as a girlfriend and did the girlfriend things knowing full well that when I left Australia at the end of my visa, I wouldn’t keep in touch and I wouldn’t go back. For me, he was a filler, company, someone to pass the time with. Unfortunately, he was in love and that was the most unfair thing of all.
Britt is a 20-something business owner, freelance writer & full-time traveler. When she’s not reading or writing for work or play, she enjoys running, cooking, and searching for every new city’s best spicy margarita. Check out her website for advice and musings on travel and living an unconventional life.
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