Dating Me Is Simple — Text Me Back, Make Me Laugh, And Don’t Be A Player

At nearly 30 years old, I know what I want and what I don’t in life and in love. I do want to be in a relationship, but I definitely don’t want to put up with some of the bullsh-t guys have put me through in my past relationships and I’m not willing to put up with it. Having standards is supposed to be a good thing, but for men who aren’t interested in living up to them, I’m apparently asking too much. I disagree —I have expectations of the guy who’s dating me like everyone else, but all things considered, I feel like the bar is set in exactly the right place.

  1. I expect the guy I’m dating to text me back. This is a biggie! When I’m dating a guy, I don’t want to be left on read for days or weeks until he can be bothered to get in touch. I don’t expect him to be glued to his phone messaging me 24/7 because I don’t want to do that either. However, a quick response to my message shows he’s considerate and actually gives a sh-t about me.
  2. I expect him not to take himself too seriously. I can’t think of anything worse than dating someone who doesn’t know how to laugh at himself or the ridiculous of life. That’s a miserable existence and I want no part of it. I’m not looking for a guy who’s a total clown or anything, but a sense of humor isn’t too much to ask for, I don’t think. Dating should be fun, and if my boyfriend can’t laugh with me and vice versa, I’m out.
  3. I expect him not to cheat on me or flirt with other women. How is this a problem. If he’s dating me, he sure as hell shouldn’t be trying to get with anyone else. A monogamous relationship is about being with one person, so if that’s what we’re in, that’s how it should be. It’s not unreasonable to expect fidelity, regardless of how many guys have tried to convince me it is…
  4. I expect him not to be condescending or belittling. I don’t care what college he graduated from or how many countries he’s visited — nothing is more of a relationship killer than a guy I’m dating telling me I know nothing (or that he knows more than me). I’m totally cool saying when I’m not well-versed on a particular topic, but there’s a way of sharing knowledge without being a total d-ck about it.
  5. I expect him to put in a bit of effort to show me he cares. There are two people in a relationship, so why on earth should I be the one carrying the majority of the weight? When a guy is dating me, he should actually do things to show that he’s in the relationship too. Again, I don’t need to be lavished with attention and gifts all the time, but I do want to feel like he actually wants to be with me, for crying out loud.
  1. I expect him to care about getting me off too. No more bad sex! Been there, done that, got… well, nothing much out of it. I’m over it. I’m sick of dating guys who think sex is all about them getting off and then falling asleep while I finish myself. Nope! For now on, I’m only interested in being with someone who cares about making me feel good too.
  2. I expect him to have his own life outside of our relationship and let me have mine. I’ve had plenty of relationships where we were attached at the hip 24/7 and they always ended because we burnt ourselves out on each other and neglected the rest of our lives for each other. I’ve learned from my mistakes and from now on, when I’m dating a guy, we need to have just as healthy and full of a life outside our relationship as we do with each other. And I don’t want drama about it! I don’t want a guy who’s going to make me feel guilty about hanging out with my friends or be all paranoid every time I leave the house without him.
  3. I expect him to make time for me even when things are hectic. Life gets busy sometimes which means we’re not going to have romantic date nights three nights a week. I have pretty realistic expectations in this regard. That being said, our relationship will falter if we always claim we’re “too busy” to make time for each other and act like hanging out is a chore rather than a pleasure. That’s not the type of couple I want to be part of.
  4. I expect him to be kind and considerate to my friends and family. This is another deal-breaker. I don’t need the guy I’m dating to be best friends with my girls or my siblings or parents. However, I do expect him to be nice to them, to show respect around them, and to respect our relationships enough to not try and create a wedge between us. If he plans on sticking around in my life long-term, he’ll have to get used to the other people I love and begin to love them too in his own way.
  5. I expect him to treat me the way he wants to be treated in a relationship. This is really what it boils down. Every single thing I’ve put on this list, I’m willing to give the guy I’m dating too. That’s because I would never expect a guy to do things for me that I wouldn’t do for him. All I’m asking is for the guy I’m dating to treat me exactly the way he wants to be treated. If we’re both doing that, there’s no way we can’t have a happy, healthy, successful relationship. I’ve yet to find this kind of long-lasting connection, but I do believe it’s out there. Until it comes along, I’m cool doing my own thing for now.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia