It’s been ingrained in my mind that multi-dating is bad, taboo, and a sure-fire way to screw up my chances of finding “The One.” But after putting all of my eggs into one basket by dating one guy at a time on my quest to find Mr. Right, I decided to change my approach and it’s actually pretty great.
Guys do it too, so what’s the big deal? I’m convinced multi-dating was invented by a man, and if guys are OK with seeing multiple women at the same time then why should I feel bad about flipping the script and doing the same? I’m tired of putting all of my energy into one person who isn’t willing to do the same for me in return.
It’s the only way I can remain unattached. I admit that I have a major problem when it comes to getting too attached too soon, and multi-dating eliminates the urge I have to cling on to someone right away. By dating multiple men, the connection is kept on a surface level, so the opportunity for me to fall head over heels for the wrong guy is slim to none. I like it better this way and that’s why I’m not sorry about keeping a roster of men lined up.
I have a better chance of finding a long-term partner. In the long-run, I’d like to find a partner who I can settle down with and start a life together, but that’s not going to happen unless I multi-date. By meeting different men and going out with them simultaneously, I can consciously determine how they match up against each other, compare their strengths and weaknesses, and eliminate the ones who are wrong for me, which will ultimately lead me to the right guy.
Time is of the essence and I don’t want to waste it. I refuse to waste my time dating one person only for things to crash and burn after a month or two. Dating with a purpose means I get to vet multiple guys at once, which eliminates the chance of me putting too much of my energy into the wrong person. I’m not getting any younger and I want to take advantage of every possible second of my time.
It’s not all about sex. Before you think I’m sleeping around with multiple men, let me just say that multi-dating doesn’t mean I’m having sex with every guy that takes me out. For me, dating is about getting to know someone’s personality, values, and morals, and sex can be introduced into the equation once we both decide to be in a committed, exclusive relationship. I’m obviously not in a relationship with any of the men I’m seeing, so sex isn’t even on the table. With sex out of the equation, I can focus on getting to know these guys for who they truly are without getting hypnotized by what they can offer me behind closed doors.
Some of them turn out to be good friends. Just because I don’t feel a romantic connection with a guy doesn’t mean he’s banished from my life forever. Seeing a bevy of men means I can end things without cutting them off for good, and in some cases, I’ve even stayed friends with a few of the guys I went out with. All isn’t lost, and who wouldn’t want to make more friends anyway?
Goodbye, comfort zone. Although I’m now quite comfortable with dating multiple men, there’s still a thrill that comes along with keeping my options open. It’s sort of like, Oooh I’m doing something really bad but it feels really cool. My social calendar is full of fun dates and activities, and the idea that one of the men I’m seeing might turn out to be the love of my life makes multi-dating even more exciting.
I’m dating guys I typically wouldn’t. When I opened myself up to multi-dating, I also decided I would give a guy a chance even if he wasn’t the type of guy I’d usually go for. By ignoring my preconceived height requirements and other superficial characteristics I previously looked for, I was encountering more men who aligned with all the items that were on my mental “must-have” list.
It opens the door to more honesty. I don’t go around shouting from the rooftops that I’m a serial multi-dater. However, if a guy I’m seeing asks me if I’m seeing other people, I tell him the truth right away. There’s no need for me to keep it a secret that I’m seeing more than one person. I’m on my quest to find the amazing relationship that I desire, and any man that I’m dating has to be OK with that.
At the end of the day, the choice is mine. Before I became comfortable with dating more than one man at a time, I’d stay in relationships and situations with the wrong guys for way too long. Deep down, I was scared of being alone and starting all over so I’d keep seeing the same man over and over again even though I knew things would never work out. Multi-dating has made it much easier for me to drop the men who are wrong for me without living with the inherent fear of being alone. I’m never by myself because there’s always someone who’s a short phone call, Snapchat, or Instagram DM away. I love it.
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