I’m Dating Myself & It’s Getting Serious — I Couldn’t Be Happier

I think the relationship I’m pursuing with myself is getting serious. At first it was hard to adjust with being on my own rather than in a relationship with someone else but it’s been totally worth it. I’m learning to date myself and it’s a beautiful thing.

  1. I was a serial dater for a long time and it was exhausting. Boy, did I burn out. I was dating person after person for years and I almost never took a break. I didn’t have any time with myself. Instead, I sought out other people to make me feel OK and like I was enough. These periods made it so that I didn’t have to self-examine what was going on inside me. Instead, I could get lost in another person.
  2. I realized I needed a break. Failed relationship after failed relationship made me realize that it was time for a break. I couldn’t do it anymore. What I was doing just wasn’t working out (obviously) because no one would stick around for longer than a month or two. Taking a break from dating was not easy for me as I was so used to being with people and getting attention from them.
  3. I realized I couldn’t date anyone else in the state I was in. I have a whole lot of work to do. A friend suggested I take a break from dating and I said I didn’t know how. That was when I realized it really was time to start focusing on myself. I had too much unsorted baggage and I didn’t even know it. I was bringing my mess to each relationship I tried and this just wasn’t appropriate.
  4. I started dating myself. What does this even mean? Well, for me it meant tapping into my self-worth, love, confidence, and esteem. I started looking within, being more self-aware about what’s happening inside me at any given moment. It means practicing self-care because I’m worth it. It’s not as cheesy as taking myself out on dates (though that’s cool too)—it’s more about making the decision to spend time with myself no matter what state I’m in.
  5. I give myself positive self-talk. “Hey, you. Yeah, you. You’re doing just fine. In fact, you’re doing great. You’re doing the best you can and there may be some room for improvement. Keep on keeping on.” This is about what I say to myself when I’m having a hard time. Even sometimes when I’m having a good time! I try to combat the automatic negative talk in my head with something positive.
  6. I no longer draw validation from others. With the exception of Instagramming (hey- I’m only human), I get most of my validation from myself. I sit with feelings when they come up, to the best of my ability. I tell myself that my feelings are okay, no matter if they make sense or not. I try to remind myself that I’m attractive and at the same time that I don’t owe anyone else prettiness. I ultimately just try to validate myself.
  7. Being alone can be uncomfortable. Did you know there’s a word for the fear of being alone? Monophobia. I have this fear; I think many of us do. Especially since I’ve been used to being with so many people. Being by myself is wildly uncomfortable. I don’t have someone else to escape into, I just have to actually sit with how I’m feeling at any given time.
  8. There are tons of benefits to dating myself. I feel more independent, my confidence is built up, and it helps with self-awareness. Feeling more independent is great because I have to navigate much of this world alone. Having a greater connection to myself really helps. My confidence is high because I’m doing esteemable acts. I have self-awareness like no other time in my life. I’m plugged into my body, mind, and soul.
  9. It’s getting serious because I’m learning to love myself for life. This may just be a period of not dating other people but the lessons I’m learning are for life. The love I’m creating is memorable. I’m learning how to be kind to myself and love myself. These things are not quickly forgotten, especially with how much work I’m putting into it all.
  10. Just dating me is for the foreseeable future. I’ll be my own partner for the foreseeable future. I have no problem with this for the most part but it also makes me sad because it means I’m not pursuing a partner. I’m only human, I crave companionship. Nonetheless, I’m good company.

Ways I’m dating myself

  1. I take myself out to eat. Sure, it’s nice to go on exciting dinner dates with someone you could potentially have a romantic connection with. However, if I fancy eating out one night at my favorite restaurant, why should I stay home just because I don’t have a date to take me? If I can manage to tie my own shoelaces, I’m pretty sure that I’m capable of eating in public by myself.
  2. I treat myself to nice things. I don’t need a partner to take me shopping or treat me to nice things—I can buy all my own stuff. Although it might make me feel special and spoiled if I had someone I love to take care of the financial side of shopping every now and again, it’s not a necessity. In fact, it feels good for me to be able to provide for myself. I’m strong and independent without having to rely on another person. Go me.
  3. I have cozy nights in with myself. Cozy nights in don’t have to be compromised just because I don’t have a partner to hog the other side of the sofa. I like to light my relaxing candles, have the biggest bubble bath, and snuggle up under a blanket with Netflix to help myself de-stress and unwind after a long day in the office. And the best part? I can stretch out and starfish the hell out of the sofa without having to feel guilty. I win!
  4. I put my needs first. Being single is awesome because it means that I can be selfish and focus on me and only me. I don’t have someone else in my earhole all the time telling me that I can’t go to the mall on Saturday because I have to go help him help his mom set up her new iPhone, for instance. I can just do me, in my own time and my own way, and not have to worry about a single damn thing.
  5. I go to events by myselfNew gallery openings, charity benefits, weddings, work parties — all those events that require a plus-one, I now have to attend myself. What’s the harm? Sure, I might have to arrive on my own, but there’ll be a ton of people around me once I get there. Besides, going to events by yourself isn’t a bad thing. It gives you the opportunity to mingle, meet new people, and spread your social butterfly wings.
  6. I go on my own vacations. Who says that you need to be in a couple to travel? Someone who’s still living in the past, clearly. I’m perfectly content to travel solo, whether near or far. In fact, it’s quite empowering to go somewhere on your own and know that you’re solely responsible for yourself and your plans. It’s also incredibly peaceful.
  7. I take care of myself. Who needs a partner to play doctor when you’re sick? Not me because I have plenty of time to keep fit and look after my health without a special someone in my life. I don’t need a man to take care of me because I take good freakin’ care of myself. If I really need someone to act like my personal nurse, I can call upon my friends or family.
  8. I love me. Sure, it’d be nice to have someone to love me in a romantic way, but I have plenty of people in my life who already love me. Hell, I love me. I pay great attention to the relationship with myself because that’s the one that I’m going to be in for the rest of my life. It’s like Carrie Bradshaw always said: don’t forget to fall in love with yourself first and the rest will follow.
  9. I’m in charge of my own personal growth. Instead of a relationship developing me as a person, I’m in charge of that all by myself and it feels good. It also prepares me for my next relationship (whenever that may be). For now, I’m extremely happy dating myself, thank you very much.
Ginelle Testa's an avid wordsmith. She's a queer gal whose passions include recovery/sobriety, social justice, body positivity, and intersectional feminism. In the rare moments she isn't writing, you can find her holding her own in a recreational street hockey league, thrifting eclectic attire, and imperfectly practicing Buddhism. Follow her on Insta!