Millennials can’t even define dating. We like to use phrases like “just talking” and “hanging out” to avoid the responsibility that comes with solely committing to another person. For those of us who prefer a long-term, meaningful relationship, the lack of commitment from our generation seriously sucks.
You never know if you’re wasting your time…
I don’t like building a relationship that could crumble at any second, so when a guy doesn’t want to label things, I’m ready to bail. When he doesn’t want to move past texting each other and grabbing a coffee once in a blue moon, I feel like I’m wasting my time.
… Or your money.
If I’m not technically a guy’s girlfriend then he technically doesn’t have to pay for my Starbucks or my movie ticket. Call me cheap (even though I prefer old-fashioned) but I don’t want to spend $5 on a drink or $10 on popcorn every time it’s his idea to take me out on an unofficial date. (I’d rather spend my money in Bed Bath & Beyond, anyway.)
You don’t even know what to
call him. One of your friends notices that this guy keeps blowing up your phone, so when they ask you who he is, you don’t really know what to say. He’s not your friend. He’s not your boyfriend. So what the heck do you call him? That unlabeled stage is normal for the first month or so, but after a while, you should be able to define the relationship.
Meeting the fam is an awkward ordeal.
Mom and Dad notice that you bring up this same guy in conversation at dinner. Your sister figures out that this random dude is lowkey popping up on your Instagram posts. They want to know all about him, so you invite him over… but again, you don’t actually know how to introduce him to your family. Dad wants to know that this guy is looking out for his baby girl, Mom wants to know that he has table manners, and your sister wants to know if he has any cute brothers. None of that matters when he isn’t your for real boyfriend.
Developing feelings for him is terrifying.
Give it a few weeks and you really start to like this guy. His laugh is contagious, his eyes are gorgeous, and before you know it, you’re consumed by him. But in the back of your mind, you also know that this could go absolutely nowhere. You aren’t his girlfriend, plain and simple. There’s no form of commitment that attaches you to him so it’s like your feelings are walking a tightrope and at any moment, they could lose their balance only to crash and burn.
Because someone else could always be on the side.
The sad truth is that while you have these crazy feelings for him, he could have them for someone else. There’s no committed title that’s keeping him from looking around for someone else. He can’t technically cheat when he doesn’t have a legitimate girlfriend to cheat on. That’s scary. It makes you sit back and always wonder who could be on the side.
You have everything to lose.
Every piece of yourself that’s poured into this guy could be utterly drained in a matter of seconds because at the end of the day, without any true commitment, he can up and walk for no reason at all. There’s nothing that hitches his wagon to yours. You talk. You text. You get coffee. He can do that with anyone. The worst part, though, is that those feelings that you’re trying to keep lowkey aren’t just for anyone. They’re for him, but if he doesn’t take the time to reciprocate those feelings, it could all end without warning.
When he ghosts you, you just look stupid.
When he up and leaves, you feel like a complete idiot. You’ve wasted all of this time, all of your money and a ton of your emotions on someone who didn’t value you enough to commit to you. You have to hang your head and explain to your fam and to your friends why it never turned into anything serious… but’s what’s worse is that you don’t really know why it didn’t. When you two didn’t commit to any sort of relationship, he didn’t feel the need to explain himself. You deserve more than that.
Maybe this is why so many women aren’t getting married.
So many women are waiting until their thirties to get married and some aren’t getting married at all. Even though I’m engaged at 23, I get why so many women are holding off on the idea of marriage. I “dated” (or whatever you want to call it) two different guys who never wanted to commit. After one had too many girls on the side and the other wasted too much of my time, I found a guy who meant what he said when he told me he wanted to be with me forever. It’s hard to find guys these days who value commitment. And that just sucks.
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