How to Deal with a Flaky Friend

Everyone has that friend in their group that rarely actually shows up for plans. It doesn’t matter if something was scheduled weeks in advance, there will always be some pressing matter that requires her attention right around the time she’s supposed to meet you. While cancelling every once in awhile is no big deal, it starts to become a problem when your flaky friend is constantly inconveniencing everyone else and never acknowledging how bitchy that is. You could just stop speaking to her altogether, but first, there are a few things you can do to attempt to salvage your friendship.

  1. Give her the benefit of the doubt. If she cancels on a few things, it’s not that big a deal. We all have unexpected things to deal with. She might be going through something you aren’t aware of, so don’t immediately pounce on her. Give her a chance to make it up.
  2. Be flexible. We’re all busy, but some people have stricter scheduling limitations than others. If you’re able to be flexible, then you should be. Being stubborn about specific meet up times and places isn’t going to help anything.
  3. Let her be the one to initiate a reschedule. There’s no point in picking another date and hoping she’ll make it. If she tells you when she’s free, then you’ll know you aren’t double booking her. She’ll also be less likely to bail if she was the one that made the effort to make plans.
  4. Start being really late meeting her. If you want to go the super passive-aggressive route, try giving her a taste of her own medicine. Just don’t be surprised if you never get that “where are you?” text, because she actually didn’t show up either…
  5. Stop inviting her to things. She might not notice this until she’s spent a good two week stretch without sending a single, “I’m so sorry, I can’t make it tonight!” text. Unless she’s the type who has numerous invites waiting for her approval, then you might be waiting even longer for her to realize you haven’t talked in awhile.
  6. Gush about how much fun you had at the last event she bailed on. Maybe if she realizes how much she’s missing out on, she’ll start making more of an effort to keep plans.
  7. Make a huge deal about the times she actually sticks to plans. OMG, we didn’t think you were actually going to show up! We’ll have to change the reservation to 5. I hope they can accommodate us.
  8. Be direct with her. Some people don’t pick up on signals, no matter how obvious. Either that, or she just doesn’t give a crap. If passive aggression isn’t getting through to her, switch to straight up telling her that if she cancels again, she’ll no longer be getting any invites.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.