Does Your Partner Have A Hobby Mistress? It Might Be Ruining Your Relationship

Nothing is more obnoxious than couples who are together 24/7 and do literally everything together. Not only is it weird, but it’s also really unhealthy. Having your own life even when you’re part of a couple should never be up for debate. However, when your partner gets a hobby mistress, you start to wonder if so much independence is a bit overrated.

What is a hobby mistress?

It’s not only totally normal to have interests outside of your relationship, it’s absolutely vital. You have to maintain your individuality even while part of a couple, which is why having time for hobbies is so important.

However, a hobby mistress is basically a pastime on crack, making what’s normally a fun thing to do during your free time into an overwhelming obsession. As a result, explains TikToker @YourBestFaceForward, the person begins ignoring and neglecting their partner for their hobby mistress.

Being with a partner with a hobby mistress affects more than just your emotional and mental health — your physical self suffers too. How? Stress releases cortisol, which breaks down skin collagen in turn. The result? You end up with more inflammation, sagging skin, and even wrinkles, per Everyday Health.

Wait, isn’t having a hobby a good thing?

Usually, yes. Studies have repeatedly shown that hobbies improve your mental health by reducing stress, lowering blood pressure, improving your relationships, and boosting overall health, per WebMD. Not only that, but doing things you enjoy gives you a sense of personal fulfillment. It allows you to connect with your interests and passions and potentially discover new ones. It also provides vital downtime from the hecticness of adult life. In other words, there are plenty of upsides.

However, it’s always possible to have too much of a good thing, and when someone develops a hobby mistress, it’s gone too far. It means putting that thing they love enjoying above their partner and their relationship in general. Needless to say, that’s taking things a step too far.

How having a hobby mistress can mess with your relationship

@yourbestfaceforward

Have you been with a man with a hobby mistress? #relationship #facetension #jawtension #stress

♬ Stylish Jazz HipHop – Future Oriented Triad

  1. You feel ignored and unloved. When your partner spends more time playing video games or filming YouTube videos than he does hanging out with you, it’s only a matter of time before you start to feel neglected. The more they continue to put their hobby mistress first, the more desolate you feel. It really takes a toll.
  2. You lack support from your partner. You don’t need to have tons of drama going on to need support from your partner. The everyday encouragement and boost goes a long way. When that’s not happening, it can put you in a funk. You feel alone and unsupported. Who can you go to when you need advice or even just a sounding board if not them?
  3. You start to grow apart. They’re spending all their free time on their hobby and you’re having to fill your time doing other things as a result. The more you start to live separate lives, the more you realize how easily it might happen. You don’t want the distance to become so big that it can no longer be bridged.
  4. You question the relationship. When you’re coupled up with someone, it’s presumably because you really like each other. That means you want to, you know, hang out and do things together. You want to put in the effort to better your connection and strengthen your bond. When your partner ditches you to hit the gym twice a day, you start to wonder why you’re even together anymore.
  5. You think their hobby matters to them more than you do. They certainly act like that’s the case. Their hobby mistress takes all of their time and energy and there’s never any left for you. Any extra they have to give never seems to come to you. Do they even love you anymore? Do you even matter? You’re pretty sure the answer is no.

What to do about it

  1. Broach the topic. You can’t solve an issue if you never bring it up. Instead of just swallowing those feelings of sadness and anger, voice them. While you totally love that they have things they’re passionate about, they’re taking things too far. Let your partner know that your hobby mistress is driving a wedge between you. It’s a serious problem.
  2. Express how it’s making you feel. It’s not enough to say that there’s an issue. They need to know the effect their behavior is having on you. Let them know that you feel abandoned in the relationship. Tell them straight up that you don’t feel loved or supported and that you don’t feel as connected to them anymore. If they care about you and the future of your relationship, they’ll want to act.
  3. Try to meet each other halfway. You’re not asking them to give up their hobbies altogether. Why would you? You have your own interests. However, you are asking them not to spend all their free time on their hobby mistress and to make time for you. Perhaps you make a schedule in which certain days or blocks of time are set aside for one another with no distractions. Find what works for you.
  4. Find a hobby you can try together. While it’s important to have separate interests and pastimes, you should have a few in common too. You’ll not only have a lot of fun finding some things to do together, but you’ll also strengthen your relationship. You might even discover something new about yourselves and each other in the process!
Jennifer has been the managing editor of Bolde since its launch in 2014. Before that, she was the founding editor of HelloGiggles and also worked as an entertainment writer for Bustle and Digital Spy. Her work has been published in Bon Appetit, Decider, Vanity Fair, The New York TImes, and many more.
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