I Don’t Kiss On The First Date No Matter How Well It Went

First dates can be all about chemistry. Is there something between us or is the attraction just not there? Hopefully there’s potential but for me, no matter how good a first date goes, we won’t be sharing a goodnight kiss. Here’s why:

  1. I won’t lock lips with an almost perfect stranger. It takes more than a day (or even just a night in most cases) to get to know someone. I want to know more than a guy’s last name and what he does for a living before we take any sort of step into a physical relationship. A kiss might not be that serious but that still doesn’t mean it’s something I want to share with just anyone, especially a man I barely know.
  2. My kisses are sacred. Just like my body. I know it sounds corny but it’s true. Some people think that a kiss is just a kiss and completely meaningless and that’s fine for them to live their life as they choose and have their own opinion but I’m entitled to my own opinion too. I don’t just throw away kisses on men who mean nothing to me. For me, every kiss is special and I need to know a man is worthy before I go there.
  3. I want a man who’s not going to expect anything from a date. Buying a girl dinner doesn’t automatically mean a man’s getting laid or even getting a kiss. I don’t date men who have that Neanderthal kind of thinking. I want a man who’s more sophisticated than that. He should be satisfied with just the pleasure of my company at first and be able to let the relationship progress at a comfortable pace.
  4. I can’t know within a few hours if a guy is worth my time. That’s not something you can figure out so quickly. I don’t want to live with regrets. I don’t want to go home thinking about a perfect kiss and then realize the guy is a total jerk. I’d rather end the night with the success of having a good time and hold the kisses for when I know he’s worth the gesture.
  5. I don’t hook up (in any form) with a man I don’t have real feelings for. Initial sparks don’t count. I could get butterflies for a guy I just met and then have all those excited feelings slip away the second I get to know him a little better. Real feelings take time to develop, so no sex, no foreplay, no kisses until I know how I really feel. That might sound severe but I’d rather play it safe than end up sorry.
  6. It’s too early to know where his mouth has been. I don’t know what type of person he is. I don’t know if he bounces from girl to girl and has a long list of hookups trailing behind him. Whether it’s genital or oral, he could have any kind of STD and I’m not going to risk contracting something on a first date with a guy I just met. I have to be smarter than that in this day and age.
  7. First kisses should be special. Your first kiss (with anyone) is something that you never forget. At least, I don’t. Not all of our firsts need to happen in one night. I think the best things in life are worth the wait, and I want a man who feels that way about me. I want our first kiss to be unforgettable, and in my mind, so should he.
  8. I want to know that he’ll respect my boundaries. I don’t care if he thinks my no kiss on a first date rule is stupid—it’s my choice and he needs to respect that. We all have our limits and I think any man I date should be respectful of mine. I don’t have sex without love and I don’t kiss men I don’t have feelings for. First dates are about getting to know each other and until I know him better, our lips will stay apart.
  9. I want a man who’s willing to work for my affection. I don’t think it’s bad to want a man to actually make an effort to get to know my heart before he gets to know any part of my body. I’m not asking anything of him that I’m not willing to do in return. I’ll make the exact same effort. I just want a man who will meet me half way on things and make a real effort instead of just thinking he can take advantage of me with his charm.
  10. I want time to figure if I really like him. I don’t trust first impressions. He’ll be putting on his best face on a first date and that doesn’t necessarily show me who he really is. I don’t want to just know a man on his best behavior. I want to know the real him, the person he is when he isn’t trying too hard. Once he puts off the first date front and shows his true colors only then will I know if I want to share a first kiss.
  11. I want to know that things are actually headed somewhere. I’m looking for a relationship, not a guy who’s going to do whatever he can to get me into bed and then never call me again. That’s why I need someone who can be patient—even for something as little as a kiss. A kiss from me needs to be earned, so patience, which ultimately comes down to respect, has to be one of his virtues.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.