I Don’t Want To Change A Guy — I Want One Who’s Already Good

I’ve been guilty in the past of thinking that I could change a guy who wasn’t really relationship material, but not anymore. Now that I’m older and have my act together a little more, I realize where I went wrong. These days, I have no desire to change a guy — I want one who’s already good.

  1. I’m not interested in a “work in progress.” I don’t want my boyfriend to be my next “project.” My love life isn’t a hobby and guys aren’t arts and crafts. I want to be with a guy because he makes me happy, not because he’s something to work on when I’m bored of Netflix. A relationship should be more than something to entertain me. If it’s not, I’m not interested.
  2. Men should “fix” themselves. It’s not a woman’s job to make a man better. Women weren’t put on this earth to correct the flaws of men, and attempting to do so is not only dumb, it’ll never work. I’ve got better things to do with my time and better men to spend that time with, so he can fix himself.
  3. If he doesn’t want to change then no woman can make him. I can’t force a guy to be a better person (and boyfriend) if he doesn’t want to be. Change has to come from him. He has to want to give up his loser tendencies and finally commit to being one of the good guys and he has to do it on his own. It’s something he does for himself, not a woman — and any girlfriend who thinks differently is a fool.
  4. With me, the good guys don’t finish last. They finish first because they are in fact a finished project. They don’t need any more touch-ups. They don’t need to be shaped into the great men I know they can be. They’re already exactly the type of man I’d like to be with. A good man will win the race to my heart, I’m sure of that.
  5. Bad boys are overrated. It sounds pretty damn exhausting to have to put up with all the BS of being a bad boy’s girl. If I wanted that then I’d just be working to turn him into a good guy. I’d like to know who truly thinks that mission is worth the effort, because I for one would rather spend my time on something (or someone) better than that.
  6. I’m not interested in competition. I’ll fight for love but I won’t compete for it. Landing one of the “popular” guys doesn’t make me feel cool. Getting a guy that every other girl wanted doesn’t make me feel better than other women, especially if that bad boy won’t even treat me right. I’ll fight for love, but only for a man who deserves me to fight for him — a “work in progress” guy doesn’t deserve that.
  7. I want a grown man, not a boy. I’m not going to wait around for some guy to finally mature. Girls might mature faster than boys, but I won’t sit a foot from the finish line just for one to catch up. Men know how to treat women right, but boys only know how to take them for granted. I won’t be someone who stands for that immaturity.
  8. I want a guy I can grow with. I don’t want to be with someone who’s already behind the curve — that just feels like he’s holding me back. I want someone who’s going to blast me forward. I want to be in a relationship where we bring out the best in each other naturally, not forcefully.
  9. If he really liked me, he’d be a good boyfriend just because he cares. I shouldn’t have to train a guy to treat me well. He’s not a puppy that needs to be housebroken; he’s a human being and that means we’re on the same playing field. I shouldn’t have to change him and he shouldn’t want to change me. We should be good to each other purely because we care about one another, and if he can’t do that then he just doesn’t love me.
  10. I don’t want to love someone just for their potential. I want to love a guy for the exact person he is, not who he could be. I don’t want my love to be conditional on whether or not he makes the right changes in order to be an appropriate boyfriend for me. If he’s not the right guy, I can’t change that. I just have to accept he’s wrong for me.
  11. I’ve wasted enough time already. Taking a chance on a work in progress kind of guy is risky. What if he doesn’t change? Then I’ll have spent all this time trying to shape him into the man I want him to be and I’ll be left with the rough draft he started as. I don’t want to settle for anything less than a masterpiece, and I’ll wait to find a man who’s already a finished work of art.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.