When we like someone, it’s natural to want to be around them 24/7, to get to know them in the hopes of building something real. However, as women, most of us are guilty of making some pretty dumb mistakes when we like a guy a little too much for our own good. Be honest—how many of these sound familiar?
We give too much too soon. It’s not often that we find a guy we feel an instant connection with, so when the spark is there, we want to dive in head-first and take advantage of it. There’s nothing wrong with being optimistic about love or even giving it your all, but there’s something to be said for holding back a little to protect our heart and our sanity. Unfortunately, we often don’t protect ourselves enough.
We ignore the red flags. He’s cute, funny, and we can talk to him for hours. So what that he has a really bad temper or says all of his exes are crazy? We overlook potential red flags because we like him so much, thinking that they’re probably no big deal and won’t affect us in any way. This is a HUGE mistake.
We compromise on our deal breakers. We know we said we refuse to date a smoker or would leave a date right away if a guy made a sexist comment but when it happens, we just sorta go with it. We’re afraid that if we walk away from him, we’ll be doomed to singledom for even longer and we don’t want that. If we have to forget about our deal breakers or accept things we really don’t want to in order to avoid that, we do. Why?!
We revolve our lives around him instead of leaving it to him to fit in. He’s busy most nights of the week and can only meet up with us on Sunday afternoon. We’d already made plans to go to yoga and brunch with our BFF but, well, we can’t go a week without seeing him, can we? So we cancel on our friend and drop everything to be by his side while he’s not all that bothered about the fact that we’ve had to rearrange everything. This madness needs to stop.
We change or hide ourselves to avoid turning him off. We don’t generally wear a full face of makeup every time we go out and we were actually starving and would have preferred the double bacon burger instead of the salad we ordered at dinner with him but we want him to be impressed by us, so we change ourselves or tone ourselves down so we don’t scare him off. This is total BS. If he likes us, shouldn’t he like the real us? Being fake isn’t going to accomplish anything.
We don’t keep our options open even though he hasn’t committed yet. He hasn’t asked us to be exclusive or even stopped dating other women yet. His dating profiles are still active and he sometimes goes days without returning our texts, but we’re 100% committed to him and have stopped even considering other guys because we have our heart set on this one. What’s our problem? This dude may end up being a dud and then we’re back to square one having possibly missed out on someone else who was really great in the meantime.
We compare ourselves to other women he’s dated/that we know are interested in him. We’ve seen photos of his ex on Instagram and she was tall, blonde, really thin, and looked amazing. We’re basically her polar opposite, so there’s no way he would like us, right? Wrong. Comparing ourselves to his exes or even to other women we know are interested in him is a futile game. If he likes us, it doesn’t matter what anyone else looked like—he wants us.
When he doesn’t reciprocate our feelings, we blame ourselves. If he decides that he’s “not ready for a relationship” or simply that he likes someone else, we internalize this and assume it’s because we did something wrong or we’re not good enough. That’s ridiculous! Sometimes things just don’t work out and it actually ends up being for the best. We need to believe in our own amazingness way more and stop letting our self-worth be determined by a guy.
We let the relationship eclipse all of our awesome single girl habits. Since we met him, we’ve been attached at the hip with him 24/7. If we’re not actually hanging out with him, we’re texting with him, sending Snaps, or talking about him to the people we actually are around. We have to stop this mess. Before we met him, we were fierce, strong, independent women who loved doing our own thing. Becoming codependent is NOT attractive and it’s selling us short. Enough.
We forget about our friends. Yup, it happens. Because we’re with our new guy, we barely have time (or the will) to hang out with our BFFs. We loved chilling with them all the time when we were single but it’s like we’ve forgotten all about them now that there’s a guy in the picture. This will ultimately backfire when something goes wrong in the relationship and we realize the friends we want to be there for us have left us behind. We need to remember to nurture our relationships outside of our romantic one. It’s important.
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