Either Commit To Me Or Don’t, But Stop Flip-Flopping On What You Want

Everyone needs some time to figure out whether or not they want to commit to the person they’re dating, but the number of times you’ve gone back and forth about what you want is just ridiculous. At this point, either stay or go, but this is why I’m fed up with the way you’re pulling me in two different directions:

  1. I deserve better than to be strung along. I have my flaws, but none of them are enough to warrant being pushed and pulled like you’re doing to me. I really do my best when it comes to dating, and while I certainly make mistakes, what you’re putting me through is just plain unfair. You should know better than to treat someone this way when she’s giving you everything she has.
  2. I’m a person, not a yo-yo. I have feelings and dreams and desires — I’m not some toy that you can send away and yank back when you want to play with me again. I need consistency, and I’m done sticking around for someone who can’t give me such a basic thing.
  3. It’s making me feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve never been the clingy type, but I think it’s natural to want to hold on to someone when they keep drifting away from you. Even during the times when you’re all about me, I’m constantly on edge because I know that it’s only temporary. I’ve become an anxious, slightly unhinged version of myself, and I don’t like it at all.
  4. I don’t enjoy emotional roller coasters. There are some people who live for the ups and downs of the chase, but I’m not one of them. All I want in my love and dating life is for things to be constant, whether that means the other person is committing to me or keeping his distance. The ups and downs I’m going through because you can’t figure out what you want are just causing me grief.
  5. I’m being as patient as I can be. It’s not like I’m trying to pressure you into anything. I feel like I’ve been giving you plenty of time to figure out what you want. But my patience only goes so far, and when you’re messing with my head like this, even I’m going to reach my limit. Quit telling me you just “need a little more time” to figure out what you want or that I’m “rushing you.” I’ve already waited way longer than you deserve.
  6. I can take brutal honesty. If you’re not into relationships or simply not into me enough to seriously date me, just lay it on me. Of course it’ll hurt, especially after how long I’ve waited for you to make up your mind, but it’ll be way easier than what you’re putting me through now. I’ve been hurt before, and I can take another blow. I’d rather you just make it quick rather than dragging it out.
  7. I hate indecision more than rejection. At least with rejection, I have the opportunity to work my way through the pain and get on with my life. When you’re constantly flip-flopping about what you want, all it does is prolong the pain. If you’re never going to get serious about us, why not just end it now?
  8. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of girl. I don’t half-ass anything, including my dating life. If you’re not going to commit to me, I’d rather us both move on. Being stuck in limbo is just causing us grief, and if things don’t change, there’s no way either of us will get a happy ending out of this. Lean one way or the other, but stop teetering somewhere in the middle.
  9. I could find someone who would know what he wanted. No, this isn’t just “how guys are.” This is how YOU are, and frankly, I’m growing tired of it. There are lots of other guys out there who’d be able to figure out what they wanted with me, so don’t even try to convince me that I should somehow be grateful for the fact that you’re ever around at all.
  10. I won’t wait around forever. I think I’ve been pretty chill about things so far, but I won’t be for much longer. Someday — and someday soon — I’m going to get fed up with your indecisiveness and make the choice on my own. Maybe I should’ve already done it, but I like you enough that I’ve been willing to take things at your pace. But if you think I’ll just sit here and twiddle my thumbs while you jerk me around forever, you have the wrong idea.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.