Why We Should Embrace “Complicated” Like BJ Novak & Mindy Kaling

Last week, it was announced that former The Office cast mates, long time friends, and on-again, off-again hookup buddies, BJ Novak and Mindy Kaling landed a $7.5 million book deal from Random House. The book, which they plan to write together, is going to shed some light on their incredibly complicated, and according to Novak, “weird as hell” relationship. Seems like those two are going around breaking all the rules— sleeping with a coworker, staying friends with an ex, and embracing their very own unique brand of complicated. And they seem to be doing just fine. At least according to their bank accounts. Maybe we should all take a page from their book and start giving “complicated” such a bad rap.

  1. “Complicated” doesn’t have to be a dirty word. People who use the “it’s complicated” status on Facebook are inviting mockery. The public declaration of how messy their current situation is usually the opposite of how people want to portray their relationship. We want to be seen as the “perfect” couple, but the reality is, no relationship is perfect. Why pretend?
  2. Why can’t you be friends with an ex? There’s conflicting opinions out there on whether staying friends with an ex is a good idea, but the truth is, there is no universal answer that applies to everyone. Some people can do it, and some can’t, and there’s nothing wrong with either choice. You have to do what’s right for you.
  3. Life is complicated. People are always on the hunt for ways to simplify their lives. While that’s great when it comes to things like organizing your kitchen, human relationships are inherently complicated. No two people think the same way, and understanding and adapting to other people is hard. But it’s definitely not impossible.
  4. Worthwhile relationships aren’t always easy. The things you have to fight for always end up being more satisfying than the things that just fall into your lap. It might not be easy, but you knew what you wanted, and you made it happen. The same goes for relationships that aren’t always rainbows and cupcakes. You got through the bad times, so you’ll appreciate the good times that much more.
  5. You’ll challenge each other to be better. Getting along with people who aren’t exactly like you, and aren’t always on the same page as you, will teach you about perspectives other than your own. You’ll be able to push each other to see things differently, and evolve beyond who you think you are.
  6. The passion. Sometimes those people who drive you absolutely crazy are the ones you can’t get enough of. Just think about the make up sex.
  7. It means you’re fighters. You aren’t the type of people who give up easily. You don’t sweat the small stuff, and you’re always willing to forgive. Getting all the bad, complicated stuff out there as soon as possible means you’ll never be surprised. You’ll be prepared for anything life throws at you, and be confident than together you can work it out.
  8. You’ll know each other better than anyone else. You’ve seen each other’s ugly sides, and you’ve accepted them. You can almost predict how a fight will go before it even happens, and you know how to be there for each other in exactly the right way.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, Complex.ca and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo