A lot of my friends think I’m foolish for staying with my partner — and just my partner. I can’t help the fact that he makes me happy and that I want to build a future with him. It’s not that he’s not a nice guy — they all like him. It’s just that they’re still all about dating and random hookups, often with more than one person. They hesitate with making things official, but I will never be swayed — monogamy is the only way to go.
- It’s nice having “boring” nights in with my boyfriend. It’s much easier (and cheaper) than going out to the club, buying drinks, and hooking up with random people who won’t call you the next day. Instead, we chill out on the couch, pull up Hulu, and catch up on shows together. I’ve saved so much money by sticking with my partner and our relationship has grown because of it.
- Birth control is a lot easier. When you have one partner, the conversation is a lot easier to have. By not randomly hooking up with people, I also don’t have to deal with the “do you have a condom” question. STDs are still all over the place and not having a condom available has changed the course of the night more than once.
- I don’t feel insecure. It’d bother me if my boyfriend told me he was seeing two other people. Even if I knew he was into me, suddenly I have unnecessary competition. I’m always the kind of person who’ll be up late wondering if he’s out having more fun with someone else. With so much going on in my life, it’s just nice knowing where he is and what he’s doing.
- I feel like I might get out of my sexual limits if I know he’s getting crazier sex elsewhere. Sex is a really personal topic, and it’s great when you and your partner can grow together. But if I know my guy is dating a really adventurous girl, I might be hard on myself for having a vanilla type of night. That’s a situation that’s not fair for anyone.
- I honestly feel like polygamy is a fancy loophole in order to cheat. You may think differently, but if you’re allowed to see and sleep with other people, what’s the point of dating? I’m in it to find a lifelong partner who’ll be by my side, not three flaky dudes and two girls who want to experiment that don’t actually want to invest any time in getting to know me.
- I don’t want to be in my 40s and explaining my situation to people. I feel like not settling down in my 20s or 30s might make me feel a little confused at 40. I’ve always imagined people really having it together during that decade. People who are polygamous may have it together, but they’re also targets for unwanted family criticism.
- I worry that I’d never be able to tell if I’m happy. If I went from polygamy to monogamy, I feel like I’d always be questioning the relationship — especially since with that type of history, I could always pick up another partner (or easily drop someone) if they were no longer fitting my needs. When you’re used to being monogamous, you have a little more patience with your relationship since you’ve put a lot more time into it.
- You don’t have to manage your schedule all that much. More people means more dates, which means more nights out. People can manage, but I can’t. I’d rather reserve my weekend for one person and spend the rest of my downtime relaxing by myself. Polygamy seems so tiring.
- In a polygamous relationship, the rules can change so much. What if you start dating a guy who’s in an open relationship, and really like him, just to have his girlfriend or boyfriend (rightfully) close it? Or, what if you’re lead to believe that his relationship is open when it’s not, and you’re really just the other woman? Everyone deserves to be comfortable in a situation like that, but I like having more control.
- Things can get messier. Trust me, I know that monogamous relationships can also get messy. But if one person catches deeper feelings in a polygamous relationship, where the rules are often a little less cut and dry, it can lead to hurt feelings and resentment. I try really hard to be friends with the exes that didn’t straight up cheat on me, so the more people that pool may include, the harder it’ll be.
- When you date one-on-one, you can really figure out your type. It may be more fun dating multiple people, but when you date one person at a time, you can narrow down what you look for in a lifelong partner, as you’ll connect with someone on more of an intimate level. As you get older, time becomes more valuable — and for me, I want to spend it with someone who might think I’m a forever-partner, not just a new distraction.
