I liked the fact that my ex always took such good care of himself, but this had a dark side: his obsession with Botox! Unfortunately, he loved it way more than he loved me and it ruined our relationship.
I thought it was funny at first.
One day I remarked that his skin looked amazing and he confessed that he had Botox regularly. I laughed because it seemed funny for someone in their early thirties to be getting those kinds of procedures. Who was he, a Kardashian?
I kept an open mind—it was really no different than any other cosmetic procedure.
Since he regularly got Botox, it was hard for him to frown. I teased him about it but then moved on, preferring to keep an open mind about his decision. I had my high-maintenance hair color and he zapped wrinkles. It was all good and we could support each other in our quest for beauty.
It was bigger than Botox—he was obsessed with his appearance.
He went for Botox every few months, but that in itself wasn’t the problem. The problem was his overall obsession with his appearance. The guy was so vain, he probably thought Botox had been invented just for him. Every time he walked past a mirror, he’d give himself two or three glances. He’d spend ages in front of the bathroom mirror studying himself. Once, I even caught him studying his reflection in the reflection of a knife during dinner. Yes, seriously.
Vanity led to insecurity.
He was constantly asking me how he looked and if the Botox was keeping him wrinkle-free. I had to keep reassuring him that he looked good. He became particularly self-conscious in the weeks before another Botox injection was required. He had these weird nightmares that his face was getting older before its time and that it was collapsing. I had to deal with many of his midnight cold sweats from such drama. It was so exhausting.
He was a selfie nightmare.
He took this insecure behavior online to social media. He’d take a million selfies every day and then get upset if people didn’t “like” them. He once even asked me if I could go comment on one of his pics saying how gorgeous he looked. He actually told me exactly what to write, word for word! He just wanted an ego boost from the attention from his followers
He was allergic to laughter.
One day, we were chilling together and being silly when he told me he didn’t want to laugh a lot for fear of getting more wrinkles. Yeah, seriously. I couldn’t believe that someone would rather not express joy just to prevent a fine line or two. What the hell?
I asked him to choose.
It sounds crazy but I asked him what would he do if I told him that he couldn’t have Botox anymore. I didn’t mean this question in a controlling way; I told him that I’d be asking that question as a girlfriend who thought he was having too much Botox and it could have health consequences. (Hey, it’s possible.) Would he leave Botox behind for me? He was quick to answer: hell no. He’d rather have Botox even if it meant I’d be out of his life forever.
I realized our relationship was doomed.
I was thrown. I know it was just a hypothetical question, but the guy was choosing something vain over the health of our relationship. Would it have been different if he was drinking excessively and I asked him to stop so that he wouldn’t harm his health? Would it have been different to ask him to slow down on the drug usage if he were an addict? Probably not. And, if he chose those things over me, I’d know that our relationship was doomed. It was the same feeling that crept over me when he basically chose Botox over me.
He told me it was about self-care.
He later explained to me that he used Botox because he wanted to care for himself the best he could. That was it. It was the same reason he was so self-obsessed, I guess. I get that, but his obsession was more than looking after himself. It was crazy—and it was just about to get worse.
Being with him made me miserable.
I tried to make peace with the fact that this self-care obsession was his problem and his choice, and I just had to ignore it if it bugged me. It wasn’t easy, but then he made things worse. Maybe he was upset that I didn’t like the idea of him using Botox so much, or maybe he was just a miserable a**hole. Either way, it wasn’t cool how he started trying to get me to use Botox. He’d comment on some of my wrinkles and suggest fillers. WTF? It felt like dating a walking skincare advertisement. Ugh. Not only was the loser afraid to laugh, but now he was sucking the joy out of my life. I summoned up all the emotion I could in my facial expression thanks to not having Botox and told him it was over.
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