I Financially Supported My Ex Throughout Our Relationship & It Destroyed Us

My BF was going through a rough patch so I was there to help him financially. At first it felt like something good to do for the benefit of our relationship, but after a while I realized my partner was treating me like his private bank. Here are 11 things I sadly had to face.

  1. I had to pay for all our dates. I’m not stingy when it comes to money. But, I am the type of person who wants things to be fair in a relationship. I didn’t like how I had to pay for all our dates. He always said he’d pay me back, but to this day I’m still waiting.
  2. I felt like his parent. This guy was really bad with his money. He’d splurge on unnecessary things and then cry about not having enough money to make rent. That’s where I came in. He’d sell me a sob story to try to get me to help him yet again. It became too much and often I felt like his parent, being called to bail him out of whatever drama he found himself in.
  3. He was jealous. At one point in our relationship, he’d lost his job and was battling to find one that he felt excited about. I was living it up and enjoying my career. He’d make nasty comments or just act jealous when something good happened in my career. It was like I had to support him and be ashamed of my career that was helping to support him. WTF? It was driving us apart.
  4. It felt like he was taking advantage of me. After a while of always being the one to help him out, it started to feel like he was taking advantage of my kindness. Often, all the money I gave him for essentials went to other things, like partying with his friends.
  5. I was taken for granted. One day, he came to my house and said, “I need money for cigs.” Just like that. I couldn’t believe he was getting so used to the situation that he thought I was an ATM machine or something. Whatever happened to asking nicely? It’s like he just expected me to be there, no question. What a nerve.
  6. I felt used. From not feeling appreciated, soon I started to feel like he was just using me. Maybe he was just dating me because I was so nice I was always ready to give him money or pay for our dinner.
  7. He didn’t give back in other ways. I understood that he didn’t have money and he was battling, but during his rough patch (that lasted years and was largely due to his own doing, BTW), the guy was never giving back to the relationship in other ways. Not only was I footing all the bills, but I was the one carrying all the emotional baggage too. Fuck. 
  8. He got depressed. There’d always be a black cloud over our relationship when I gave my BF money. We both felt uncomfortable about it and he especially felt depressed. I tried to tell him not to feel that way, but I didn’t know at the time that he was using me and taking advantage of me, so maybe that’s why my words never quite hit home for him.
  9. He used the money against me. Money can be one of the biggest reasons why couples fight, and I experienced this firsthand in my relationship with this guy. When I gave him money that he desperately needed when his family’s beloved horse was ill, he later used that money against me, like during fights. It was like he thought I was holding a grudge against him because he hadn’t paid me back, which was BS. I didn’t like how he always thought I was manipulating him with money, when really it was the other way around!
  10. He stole money from me. He was so consumed by depression for how his life was in such a bad state that he ended up stealing money from me. I found money missing from my wallet and asked him about it. He then came clean and said that he felt so horrid whenever he had to ask me for money so he’d stolen some from me. Fuck. It was the last straw. I couldn’t be with this person. He was bad for my finances and my health.
  11. I’m now wary of guys who need financial help. After dating that guy, I became much more careful about money in relationships, and who I give it to. Now I’m with someone who wouldn’t take advantage of me and who has enough self-respect that he can sort out his own problems. We support each other and we’re always willing to help each other out financially, but we don’t take each other for granted. I’m glad I don’t feel like someone’s private money-making machine anymore!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.