The problem with perfection is that it’s actually a myth. In reality, there’s no such thing as a flawless guy or relationship. When this guy I was dating told me that I was perfect, I really didn’t like it, but I liked it even less when he dumped me soon after. WTF?
- I never want to be told I’m perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist, so in the rare case this guy said it to me, I cringed. All it meant was that he hadn’t seen me inevitably act like a human yet. It was too early on. Instead, telling me that I was perfect was setting me up to fail because he could best be sure I’d make a mistake or some aspect of me would come out that he didn’t like.
- The expectation of perfection leads to inevitable disappointment. There’s a saying in the rooms of 12-step programs that “expectation leads to resentment” because we have no real control over anything another person does. When he expected me to be perfect, he expected that I’d act in certain ways and that I wouldn’t make mistakes. I do NOT want this kind of pressure on me. I try to embrace my humanity!
- People who see perfection have fallen in love with the idea of me, not the real me. The thing about thinking someone is perfect is that it’s never true. A perfect human being does not exist. The lovely author John Green said, “I don’t know a perfect person. I only know flawed people who are still worth loving.” When he fell in love with the idea of me, he missed out on the person actually in front of his face.
- Projecting into the future and creating fantasies ruin the real thing. He was desiring for certain outcomes and projecting into the future. When he thought I was perfect, he must have thought I matched the fantasy he had in his mind. Creating that fantasy actually removed him right from his present experience with me and destroyed any chance at building something real. He wasn’t able to see the experience for what it was.
- It was confusing because he told me I was “perfect” as he was ending things. He had said it once before, but he reinforced that I was “perfect” at just the loveliest moment (eye roll). As he was dumping me, telling me he didn’t know why it didn’t feel right, he again told me how perfect I was for him and in general. It was like he couldn’t understand why his fantasy wasn’t matching up with reality.
- It made me feel like my humanity was wrong when he was the one who was wrong. He ended things with me after what I thought was an absolutely lovely date. I kept racking my brain to try to find a moment when I may have done something wrong, but I realized that wasn’t the case at all. I was happy with how I acted throughout the whole thing, he just seemed to be a bundle of confusion at the end. He was really doing me a favor by ending things if he was so confused.
- Fairytales have ruined our experience of romance. I can’t help but want to blame Disney and other Hollywood movies that paint an inaccurate picture of the way that a relationship is supposed to unfold. If there was anything I did that sent him running, I’m glad for it. Disney taught women to be princesses and to sit around to wait for love. Instead, I have a much more alpha energy and I’m unafraid to speak my mind and show up as I am. Disney may have ruined the experience for my confused lover, though.
- Perfectionism is a beast that is no longer welcome in my life. I’m throwing tons of shade at the concept of perfection, but I’m especially equipped to do that as a recovering perfectionist. I chased being perfect for way too long. I wanted physical perfection and hoped that others would find my personality perfect. In reality, I was trying to conform to the expectations around me and I lost myself in the process. The beast of perfectionism is no longer welcome in my life. I now celebrate imperfection and embrace human messiness.
- I embrace my strengths and weaknesses and I’m okay with being imperfect. I know there are some things that I’m wonderful at and other things that I’m really crappy at. I’m just your average human, like everyone else. There are parts of me that are remarkable and other parts that could really use some work. Instead of trying to fix everything all of the time, I radically embrace imperfection. If the person I’m dating can’t hang with that, then I’m not interested.
- At least I know I’m good enough just as I am. At the end of the day, this rejection and mislabeling definitely hurt, but it didn’t break me. I’ve learned to develop so much self-love that nothing anyone can say can make it waver. I know deep down inside that I’m a lovable and good enough human just as I am right now. I’ll save my dating energy for a lover who can see my worth.
