For The First Time In A Relationship, I’m Not Obsessed With Marriage & Kids—It Feels Great

From a young age, I wanted the fairytale BADLY. My whole dating career centered around the lofty ideals of what we’re taught marriage should be—a fancy party, a house with two kids, and a guy that would take care of me. Now, that’s the last thought on my mind. Here’s why:

Uh, marriage and kids are a HUGE deal.

 Society has glamorized marriage for years—the image of a husband and a wife never having an argument and living the fairytale. I’m not saying this isn’t doable, but it’s the unicorn of all marriages. Relationships in general are hard work. Throw marriage and kids into the mix and it’s a whole other level of complicated. It’s not something to do on a whim. It’s a serious, life-altering commitment.

I don’t let my friends or family pressure me.

The worst peer pressure can come from friends and family. I’ve been in a steady relationship for two years. Once people realize we don’t live together or I haven’t pressured him about getting engaged, they look at me like I’m crazy. Everyone wants to live by a timeline or a deadline—moving in, marriage, kids, etc. Why is it so hard to realize that my relationship has its own timeline and so do I? Shouldn’t I take my time with someone I’m eventually going to spend every day of the rest of my life with? Again, call me crazy, but I’d like to take my time in finding my forever partner.

I’m not trolling Instagram and Pinterest for wedding ideas.

The wedding inspiration board is a black hole. We’ve all been there. One photo leads to another then all of a sudden, I’ve created five boards for my maybe-wedding. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in. All of the sudden, I’m going insane over a wedding that doesn’t even exist. It distracts people from living in the now and stops them from appreciating the current state of their relationship. Sure, most of us want the fairytale, but that doesn’t have to include a white dress and a ring.

There’s something sexy about a life partner vs. a husband.

The word “marriage” can be a boner killer for some people. The first words that come to mind when thinking about marriage: hard, long, tough, etc. Let’s face it—marriage is becoming less and less appealing. More people are opting to commit t o each other in different ways, not because it’s a box to check off but because they genuinely want to. There’s something sexy about a man who chooses a woman because he doesn’t feel pressured or believes the only way to stay together is to get married.

I’m not pressuring him to move faster in the relationship.

It’s a scientific fact that women mature faster than men. I used to fall in love at the the drop of a hat and assumed the guy would to do the same, which led to a lot of heartbreak. This time is different. I don’t know what changed, honestly. Does the sense of time stop when you meet “The One” or does time fade away? I found a partner that makes things easy and in turn, makes the relationship grow at a pace that works for us. I want a strong relationship, whatever form that comes in.

We just enjoy each other’s company.

There’s nothing worse than falling into a relationship rut. One where it’s hard to make conversation at dinner, where routine kills all the romance. But this relationship is different. Why? We make time for each other. We don’t obsess about seeing each other every day—we make quality time for each other and it makes us love the time we do spend together. Life is too short to not enjoy a relationship. I want to be with him because I love being around him, not because I think it’ll get a ring on my finger.

I enjoy the little milestones more.

There is no reason to be so obsessed with traditional relationship milestones. They’re great and all, but they don’t have to be the only things to look forward to in a relationship. Most of the time we stress out over the first kiss, the first time we have sex, the first time he says “I love you.” The traditional milestones are often filled with so much stress we never can enjoy the moment when it happens. I appreciate the little things along the way—waking up together, having dinner, a text message. Those are the things that sustain a relationship.

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