I know playing relationship games and testing my partner is wrong, but in the early dating phase, I think it’s sometimes necessary to see where his head is at. I deserve to know where I stand so I do this one thing to see if he’s going to commit to me or not.
I leave something at his place.
It might sound silly, but if I’ve spent the night at his place, I like to leave one of my possessions behind. This could be a pair of earrings, a bottle of perfume, whatever. I just always make sure that the item I leave behind isn’t something I need urgently (more on that later).
Then I sit back and wait and see what he does.
This is where my test gets interesting. The guy might get in touch to tell me that I left behind one of my possessions or I might ask him if he happened to see it anywhere in the house. Then I wait to see how he reacts.
Is he cool with it?
He might make a joke that I’m already moving into his house, and if it’s done in a warm way, then I know he’s actually OK with it and cool with me (and my possessions) being there. Bonus points if he tells me that he likes it when I leave stuff at his place. Cue warm and fuzzy feelings.
Does he hint at a future outing?
He might say, “Don’t worry, you can take it the next time you stay over.” Jackpot! Clearly he wants to see me again, and this “forgotten possession” is the perfect way for me to gauge his real interest instead of having to ask him if he’s serious about me or had a good time during our last visit.
Does he say he’ll send it over?
He might say that he’ll drop off my stuff on his way to work. He might even seem really eager to rid himself of my belongings. Ouch. That’s certainly not a good sign and will make me feel like he’s not that keen on me. I mean, why the rush?
Does he say it’s cool for me to swing by?
I sometimes push the test a little further. For example, I might say that I’ll swing by his place to fetch my earrings or perfume or whatever I’ve left behind on purpose. If he seems cool with that idea then I know that he’s fine with me popping around whenever. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.
He might not want me to visit unannounced.
With one guy I was dating, I left behind a textbook I needed back urgently (or so I pretended). I then suggested going to his place sometime during the day to pick it up. He insisted that I couldn’t do that, which was pretty sketchy. A few weeks later, I realized that he was actually seeing someone else who was spending many days and nights at his home. Conveniently, he just wanted me around when it fitted his cheating schedule.
I don’t feel guilty for doing this.
Although it might seem manipulative to do this to someone I’ve started dating, I don’t feel bad because it’s just a harmless way for me to see if a guy’s being shady with me or if he’s keen on having something serious. Look at what secrets it can reveal: if I didn’t leave that textbook behind, I might not have seen just how toxic the guy was being with me. Of course, this test isn’t a guaranteed way of gauging his feelings, but it can help me figure him out a bit better.
It’s not really any different from other dating tests.
Some guys like to drop by a woman’s house unannounced to see if she’s keen on spontaneous dating, or they might suggest eating snails at dinner to see how adventurous she is. How is this test different from those sorts of tests? It’s all about finding out where your partner’s head is really at. It doesn’t have to be anything sinister.
Admittedly, it can backfire.
Even though this dating test isn’t meant to be hurtful to anyone, that’s not to say it can’t come back to bite me in the butt. Remember what I said earlier about making sure I don’t leave something at a guy’s place that I’ll need urgently? Well, that screwed me over once. I left behind my favorite pair of stilettos and then the guy ghosted me a few days later. Guess what? No matter how much I tried to get in touch, he never gave me my stilettos back.
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