How “Friends With Benefits” Changes Once You Hit Your 30s

How “Friends With Benefits” Changes Once You Hit Your 30s ©iStock/Lisegagne

Friends with benefits seems like the ideal solution for having sex without all the annoying relationship drama. In your 20s, you’re busy having fun, experiencing life and not worrying about settling down. It’s the perfect time to have a reliable booty call on speed dial. When you hit your 30s, things change.

  1. No strings sex starts getting more tangled. I’d love to throw my biological clock against a wall. That annoying ticking sound pushing me to settle down and procreate makes my emotions do stupid things like falling for an FWB when that’s the last thing I want. Don’t underestimate your hormones. They’ll screw you over every time.
  2. You keep hoping he’s the one. Part of you just wants to have fun, and the other part is on the hunt for Mr. Right. While you try to stay detached, you’re secretly hoping Mr. Right Now falls madly in love with you and becomes your dreamy Mr. Right.
  3. It’s harder to find a single friend. Odds are, your friends with benefits from your 20s are happily taken. Finding a single friend in your 30s isn’t easy. Many of them aren’t interested in something casual anymore, leaving you wishing your vibrator would turn into a real man and back again whenever you needed a good orgasm.
  4. You find it less satisfying. I hate to say it, but you want more from sex in your 30s. Casual flings were great before, but as you get older, you want something more than a quick bang and out the door. You like the idea of a little cuddling, even if it’s not a relationship.
  5. It makes you feel younger. At the same time, having a friends with benefits in your 30s can help you feel younger. While your friends are getting married and having kids, you’re still acting like you’re 21. They might get the joy of changing dirty diapers, but you’re still glowing and enjoying not sharing your bed after sex.
  6. You fear losing a good friend. Your friend group shrinks as you age. People change or move away. The last thing you want is to ruin a friendship over sex. Sometimes you fear ending the sexual part just because you don’t want to lose them as a friend.
  7. You get to it faster. Dinner might be nice, but you’ve got to get up early tomorrow, so you get to the sex part faster. Sometimes too fast. In your hurry to get it done and get gone, it might be over before you really got started.
  8. The sex gets better. If you have time to actually enjoy it, the sex is usually better. You’ve had your 20s to learn what you like and gain some experience. Plus, sleeping with the same FWB means they know what you like and vice versa. If you can keep it casual, you’re in for some of the best sex of your life.
  9. It’s difficult to find the time. Schedules get harder to work around as you enter your late 20s. By your 30s, you and your FWB are likely working full time. Between work and other obligations, finding time for a hookup isn’t easy. Scheduling sex weeks in advance isn’t exactly exciting.
  10. There’s more pressure to make it more. You used to love bragging to your friends, but now all they want to do is pressure you to turn your FWB into your boyfriend. They don’t get why you love keeping things simple for now. Think of it as your entire friend group turning into one big mom.
  11. You’re less likely to mention it. Thanks to all the pressure, you’re far less likely to talk about it to your friends. Then they start questioning why you’re not seeing someone and of course, start making fun of what they think is your sexless life.
  12. You feel like you should entertain. I guess it’s the adult in you coming out, but every time your friends with benefits stops by, you feel like you should entertain them somehow. They’re a guest, not a carnival ride. Remember, one of the rules of no strings attached sex is to skip anything date-like.
  13. It’s comforting after a long day. You’re not just looking to get laid anymore. You’re more interested in something to relieve your stress. Suddenly, your FWB is more like your favorite comfy chair than a wild, sweaty romp.
  14. It’s a stress free way to get laid for now. Between work, family, friends and all the other crap you have going on, you just want something stress free. Relationships are full of stress. You just want a FWB for casual sex while you work on the rest of your life.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.