Having casual sex without catching feelings is possible, even for the most romantic among women. It really can be done! It’s not necessarily easy, but totally achievable. Here’s how:
Look for people who want what you want.
If you know that all you can handle right now is something casual, don’t even entertain the idea of going out with someone who’s looking for something real. If you’re online dating, a site like Adult Friend Finder can help in this regard, since many of its users are forthcoming about looking for some no-strings-attached fun. Being on the same page from day one is paramount.
Know that’s all it is.
Seriously though — don’t delude yourself into thinking you can force it to be more. Don’t trick yourself into thinking you like someone more than you do just because you’re sleeping with him. Your instincts in the beginning told you the truth. You think he’s fun, you’re attracted to him, but he’s not your guy. That’s okay. If you want to have a good time for now, do it. Just don’t fool yourself.
Don’t overthink the situation.
You can definitely make it weird if you try. Let it be what it is. He’s doing his thing, you’re doing yours, once in a while you get together and hook up. That’s that. It can be pretty ideal as long as you’re both on the same page. No worries about relationship crap to hamper the beauty of your single life, but you still get laid! Perfection. The problem is when you, as a girl who thinks too much, start going down the rabbit hole. Stop complicating it just because you don’t know how to let something be easy.
Keep it light.
If you want someone as a hookup buddy, you don’t need to spend a lot of time with him. Going on too many dates confuses the status of your relationship. Totally go out and have fun if you want, as long as he knows you don’t want anything more. Definitely don’t get too heavy with it. No need to have heart-to-heart, intense conversations when you’re just having a good time together. Make it strictly about sex, laughter, and maybe a fun night out here and there.
Don’t spend too much time contacting him.
You know what’s confusing as hell? Someone who tells you she only wants to be a hookup who then texts you all the time. It may feel innocent enough, but think of it from his end. Guys aren’t the only ones who send mixed messages. Yes, it’s tempting, but what can you really talk about? Unless you’re sexting in anticipation of your next meeting, not much. Let him be. He’ll be more intrigued and attracted to you if you’re independent.
Don’t spend time on a lot of date-like activities.
This confuses the relationship in both of your minds. Hanging out at his place and watching a movie pre-nookie? Not so bad. Maybe a froyo run or a drink at a local bar – short, sweet, and an opener for the main event. When you start doing serious couple-like dates like going to museums or having picnics in the park…it gets fuzzy. You’re going to get to know each other better and either lose the attraction you have now or get attached…which is okay, as long as you both feel the same way.
Don’t expect him to behave like a boyfriend when he’s not.
You can’t have it both ways, but you secretly want it that way, don’t you? If he’s a hookup buddy, he’s a hookup buddy. It’d be nice if he paid you compliments all the time, thought you were amazing, and brought you flowers…but then he’d be a lot closer to a boyfriend. You can’t expect him to fawn over you, as much as you’d love the attention. As long as he treats you with respect and takes care of you in bed, you can’t ask much more. A good guy who’s great in the sack is the perfect casual sex partner. Don’t make it weird.
Yeah, you aren’t together, but you still deserve respect and consideration as a human being. If the two of you are definitely not going to become anything more serious, you should have a conversation about what you both need from the situation. If you aren’t comfortable with him sleeping with other people, tell him. Don’t create a mess for yourself. He can’t read your mind, and maybe he has issues he wants to address as well.
Be open and honest.
Establish this pattern from the very beginning and it’ll serve you well. When meeting someone for a purely sexual relationship, as is often the case on sites like Adult Friend Finder, this tends to be a whole lot easier since you both know the reason you’re there and what you’re looking for before you ever meet up for the first time. Often when you’re getting to know someone, you feel awkward expressing yourself with complete freedom. You aren’t sure what that person will think about it. But honestly, who cares? This is your life, your health and your happiness we’re talking about. Someone who doesn’t respect you for being honest with him is not someone you should be sleeping with.
Keep the lines of communication clear.
This’ll make everything easy, fun, and drama-free. Open communication is one of the most important elements of any relationship. It doesn’t matter that you aren’t dating – no one should be in the dark about where the two of you stand. If one of you begins to feel differently, it should be addressed right away to eliminate hurt and confusion. Over-communicating is so much better than not communicating at all!
Be safe and have a good time!
Above all, don’t compromise your health! Make sure you can trust him, and use protection. No amount of great sex is worth ending up with an STD or, God forbid, an unwanted pregnancy. Never never never be ashamed or embarrassed to speak up and demand he wrap it up. If he’s weird or resistant about it, then don’t let him anywhere near your vagina. Seriously. That kind of guy spells trouble for all sorts of reasons, and if he’s doing that with you…he’s done it with every other girl. Being safe means being able to relax and enjoy yourself – if he’s not down with that, chuck him.
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