10 Ways To Deal With A Partner Who’s Selfish In Bed

If he’s all about his own pleasure in the sack, it’s time to sit him down and talk to him about your sexual needs. Here’s how to deal with a partner who’s selfish in bed, with different tips so you can find what strategy works best for you.

  1. Tell them what you like. It’s important to share what you like in the sack, so you should be doing this with your partner from time to time. Make sure you give them a chance to talk about what they like too, but you should definitely look for signs that they’re keen to pleasure you. Maybe all this time they just weren’t sure what you wanted and they were too shy to ask.
  2. Hint during sex. It might be uncomfortable to tell your partner what you want and don’t want, so maybe you can try hinting during sex. Tell them what you want when you’re hot and heavy and they should follow suit.
  3. Talk about each other’s fantasies. One of the best ways to get into the conversation of what you want in the bedroom is to speak up about your fantasies. Ask your partner what turns them on and what sexual fantasies they’ve always wanted to explore, and then talk about yours. Even discussing these things can be enough to get you turned on and ready to go.
  4. Talk about “a friend’s issues.” Although this shouldn’t be your first strategy, it might help to make up a fictional story of a friend who’s got similar issues in her relationship, just to feel out what your partner will say. If they write off her concerns, that’s a bad sign. If, on the other hand, they say she should talk to her partner about it, it’s clear they’d be open to you doing the same thing with them. Sometimes this sort of fictional conversation can help you to figure out if they care and are open to hearing criticism. It shows you where they’re at.
  5. Show him what you want. It might help to show instead of tell. When your partner’s rushing through foreplay, try to direct them back to what they were doing so that you can extend your sesh and get more of what you want instead of rushing through so they can please themselves as they always do.
  6. Don’t forget to compliment what they get right. While you’re keen on telling your partner what they shouldn’t be doing, don’t forget to praise them for doing the things that do give you pleasure (hopefully there are some good things they’re doing).
  7. Bring in the sex toys. Sometimes the best way to bring up what you want in the bedroom is to make it fun and juicy. Find sex toys that will give you more of what you want, such as if that’s more attention to your clitoris or nipples. Not only will bringing these toys into the bedroom show your partner what you want in a fun, sexy way, but it will also get you more of what you want so you don’t have to wait for your needs to be met.
  8. Look at the rest of your relationship. Sometimes a greedy lover can be a red flag for the rest of your relationship. Maybe they’re not just selfish in the bedroom but selfish in your relationship in general. That means there are deeper issues to work through. It’s not just about sex, and it’s important to know if this is the case so that so you can deal with the issues that are going on.
  9. Talk outside of the bedroom. If your cues and casual chats during sex haven’t helped to make your partner change their behavior, then it’s important to have a deeper talk outside of the bedroom when you’re fully dressed. Discuss what’s bugging you and why you feel like your needs are being sidelined. If your partner cares about you, he or she will listen to what’s important to you.
  10. Ask them how they feel about what you want. It might happen that the person hasn’t changed their behavior in the sack because they don’t actually like doing certain sexual acts. Speaking to them about it is important so you can both figure out how you feel and what you can do. Communication is key to find out what feels good for both of you!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.