Getting Dumped Is Good For You (At Least Once)

If you’ve been in the dating world long enough, chances are you’ve both broken hearts and had yours broken in return. It’s never pleasant, but it happens. I’m not going to pretend like being dumped is a real breeze of a time, but it isn’t always the worst thing, either, and there’s actually a lot we can learn from the situation. Here are some reasons it’s actually good for you to experience being on the dumpee side of the equation – at least once.

  1. Nothing is forever. So you’re not invincible and impervious to failed relationships after all – good to know. Regardless of how comfortable you get with your guy, it doesn’t mean it can’t come crumbling down. That shouldn’t diminish your faith in love, but it should make you more appreciative and keep you from taking things for granted while they’re good.
  2. It gives you some perspective about who really loves you. Okay, it’s not that motherly or friendly love can take the place of romantic love, but they sure as heck is can be lasting ones. When the friends you put on the backburner in favor of spending every spare second with your new beau are still there when he’s gone, that’s love.
  3. It’ll make you appreciate the possibility of a clean slate. We don’t usually clear the decks and start over unless something dramatic pushes us to do so, but once you experience it, you realize how totally refreshing it can be.
  4. You can relate to other people in a new way. Now when your best friend won’t get out of bed after a breakup, you can actually understand her weepy motives. It’s important not only to sympathize with others, but to empathize, as well. Sometimes, we have to experience the same unpleasant circumstances to truly understand their emotional effects.
  5. You realize you can get through anything. Sure, it stings the ego and all, but then you get over it and you move on like the champ that you are. When has a little pain ever stopped you? This is particularly helpful when you move on to your next relationship, because even if it goes wrong, you’ll know you’ve got what it takes to make it through in one piece.
  6. You’ll break hearts less often (or more kindly). Having the experience of getting dumped can make you a tad more sensitive when it comes time to let someone go the next time around. That’s always a good thing.
  7. You learn about your personal boundaries. When you get dumped, you get to call the shots on whether you want to stay “friends” and all that. It’s your turn to do what’s right for you and you only. Every relationship will be different, but discovering whether or not you’re capable of moving on enough to still be friendly with a guy who broke your heart will clue you in on your own limitations.
  8. You’ll learn about your own downsides. Yep, sometimes being told that you’re a crappy girlfriend can actually lead you to grow. You just have to be kind enough to yourself to accept where you’ve been and move on to a better place. Of course, a guy’s opinion on your behavior may not be totally accurate, but it at least allows you an opportunity to reflect on whether or not he has a point and whether you could make a few changes.
  9. You can practice forgiveness. It’s pretty tough not to be insulted and hurt when someone decides they don’t need you around anymore, but it’s also an opportunity for you to let it go and forgive everyone involved in a big way. Learning how to accept things and move on without holding grudges is a valuable lesson in life.
  10. You get to see what wasn’t right in the relationship. If it ended, there was something happening that wasn’t right, and it’s always easier to spot in retrospect. Consider it practice for the next round, so that you don’t make the same mistakes again.
  11. You learn to love yourself more. At the end of the day it’s the most important kind, and there’s no testing for it quite like a good old dumping. After all, the world doesn’t owe you anything, and if you can’t be kind to yourself, how can you expect anyone else to do so?
  12. It sends you in the direction you really need to be going. Most likely into the arms of someone else who actually deserves you.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog