Looking back, I hardly even recognize the girl I was in relationships years ago. Even if I haven’t reached my grand destination of true love, I’m grateful for the journey and I wouldn’t trade any of the BS I’ve experienced to go back to who I used to be. I didn’t become who I am because things worked out for me. I became as strong as I am because of the heartache I’ve experienced and because of the losers I’ve met along the way. I’m a strong woman because I’ve been screwed over a lot by love.
- I’ve learned to respect my own boundaries no matter who tests my limits. Plenty of guys have guilted me into thinking I owe them something, but I know better now than to feel pressured into sleeping with a guy before I’m ready just because he paid the dinner bill or took me on X number of dates. My love and intimacy isn’t defined by what he’s paid for or what he’s done for me lately — it’s defined by how he respects me and his patience for allowing me to truly get to know him first.
- I’ve learned to be okay with being alone. I used to fear being lonely to the point that I would date just about anyone just to fill the void that existed in my world. Getting hurt over and over again forced me to look at my life and truly connect with who I am. That meant spending many nights alone and dealing with the growing pains that come from the brutal reality of relying on myself. Now, not only can I stand being alone but I’m truly happy with who I am as one unit. My independent security is going to make finding my true match that much better — it’ll be based on want, not need.
- I’ve learned that I don’t need a guy to be happy. Ironically, I’ve realized that in my course of dating and trying to find love, I’ve actually been dating one person all along — myself. I started treating myself to things I knew I deserved when I didn’t have a guy around to do it for me and it made me realize how genuinely happy I could be at the work of my own two hands. I take myself out to dinner. I buy myself the necklace I’ve been eyeing. I love the life I’ve built for myself and I have no one else to thank but me.
- I’ve learned to conquer goals on my own. There’s more to life than finding a guy, settling down and having kids of my own and I wouldn’t have learned how many opportunities were available if crap has just worked out for me. It’s because of my letdowns in love that I’ve learned to direct my focus towards other, more valuable pursuits. The goals I’ve chased, conquered and continue chasing are purely my own for the taking. It’s truly liberating.
- I’ve learned how to walk away from BS. I know if a guy is treating me like crap, I have the power to walk away and no longer put up with his bad behavior. There’s no greater strength a woman can have than knowing she’s perfectly capable of living her life independently, and that any guy who tries to make his way into her life needs to prove he’s actually worth keeping around. He needs to show some respect.
- I’ve learned that every loser guy served his purpose — they were all lessons. As much as some of my heartbreaks have temporarily destroyed me, they also taught me to build myself back up again and in every case, I’ve actually come out better than I was before. I’ve learned what I don’t want, what I do want, what I can’t live with and what I can’t live without in a partner. Each and every loser has taught me that I have the undeniable strength and resilience to keep waiting until the right one shows up.
- I’ve learned to stand up for myself and what I believe in. Some guys have challenged my voice and opinions because they didn’t think I was allowed to feel the way that I did — they’d just tell me I was “crazy.” I’ve learned that the only craziness that existed within me was allowing guys to convince me I wasn’t allowed to have feelings and thoughts of my own. I’m not looking for an immature boy who gaslights me and shifts blame — I’m looking for a man who will work stuff out with me like an adult and actually respect how I’m feeling too.
- I’ve learned to let go of the people who aren’t meant for me. It used to hurt when a guy would walk out of my life. I would self-sabotage with the idea that I wasn’t good enough or that I must be the one who’s defective until I finally realized that not everyone’s going to love me and it’s not my job to care about it. If a guy wants to walk out of my life, I’ll hold the door open for him as he goes.
- I’ve learned that I am the love of my life. I’ve been screwed over by love more times than I can even count — I’ve honestly lost track. No matter how many times I’ve tasted the salt from my tears, I’ve realized one very important thing about myself. I’m undeniably strong not just because of my failed attempts at love, but also because I love myself enough to keep moving forward. In failing to find love, I actually fell in love with myself.
