Some men have a way of breaking your spirit and making you feel like you’ll never succeed in anything. That was certainly the case with my toxic ex, and it wasn’t until I broke up with him that I realized I was the one who won while he lost everything.
- He’ll never get anyone as good as me. Dating him was a momentary lapse on my part. He never came close to deserving me. I was a momentary blessing in his life that he’ll never get back or find in anyone else. He’ll never find someone as forgiving and gracious as me no matter how hard he searches. He lost his chance with me and with any other woman who could make his life better.
- I know what kind of a man I deserve. Even before dating him, I tended to go for the emotionally damaged guys who I knew could never love anyone fully. Somehow, I thought that’s all I deserved. But after dating someone as truly toxic as he was, who treated me worse than anyone should ever be treated and hurt me more than anyone else could, I was forced to come to terms with how messed up my relationship expectations were. I realized that I deserved nothing short of adoration, someone who celebrated me for who I am and would never think of hurting me emotionally or otherwise.
- Getting over him made me a stronger person. The breakup was more painful than any I’d ever gone through. Seems like it should be easy to get over a douchebag who has no capacity for empathy or sanity within a relationship, but it’s even harder than breaking up with a typical person. You start to become as mad as they are and second guess everything you’ve ever believed about yourself. Luckily, once you break through, once you’re over it, you emerge invincible. In fact, I am stronger now than I’ve ever been in my entire life, and it’s all because of what I went through in that relationship.
- He’ll never get to be a part of my life and he’s really missing out. I was the only thing he had going for him and he knew that. In fact, he knew it well enough to admit it to me in rare moments of vulnerability, almost as a weapon. Toxic people know how to use your compassion against you and he was a master. Now, he’ll have to live his entire life knowing he threw away the best part of it he ever had.
- In the end, he got ghosted. After all the breadcrumbing he put me through, only answering my texts when I’d almost given up trying and always making excuses for not being able to spend time together, he was the one who got dropped. Breaking up with someone kindly only works when they’re willing to show up. He wasn’t, so he got ghosted and I regained my freedom.
- I got my life back. Once I finally got over him, it was like I’d been reborn as a happier, stronger, genuinely badass version of my former self. I became an independently functioning human being who absolutely loved her life and the people in it. He was absolute poison and turned me into a weak, miserable, helpless version of myself. When I left him, he lost his whole life, and I gained mine.
- I couldn’t care less what happens to him. Part of breaking up with someone you can’t get over is learning to let go. Being friends after a breakup is great, but when the relationship was one of the worst periods of your life, friendship will never be an option. This cold separation can be excruciating. I knew I’d finally broken free of his toxic hold on me when I woke up one day and realized that I really don’t care what happens to him. Chances are he’ll keep screwing it up, but that’s not my problem. I’ve got my own life now.
- Thanks to him, I’m in the healthiest relationship of my life. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to turn your life around, and that’s exactly where this relationship left me. I realized it was time to recognize all the things about myself that were worth loving, and it was this that allowed me to get out of the relationship for good. No one saved me. I did it myself, and it showed me just how much I love and value everything that I am. Your closest and most loving relationship should always be with yourself, and now that I know that, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
- My new boyfriend’s pretty great too. Learning to trust and love myself allowed me to find the right kind of man, someone who values me and doesn’t feel the need to lead me on or keep me insecure about his love for me. Most importantly, it helped me find someone who wants me to be my best self and understands that my relationship with myself will always come first. He knows our partnership is stronger because of it.
