Sometimes I feel really bad for guys. Let’s face it – we set them up for failure. We ask a guy what seems to be a simple question, yet we know it’s a loaded one. If he doesn’t answer the way we want, we use it as an excuse to get mad. But what did we expect? Guys have pondered the answers to these dreaded questions for centuries. It’s about time we help answer them without getting in quite as much trouble.
“Does this make me look fat?” A guy’s first thought is probably something along the lines of, “Can’t she look in the mirror and see for herself?” When a woman asks this, she loves the outfit but is paranoid that it might show off the wrong kind of curves. First of all, “yes” is obviously the wrong answer. “No”, “Absolutely not!” or some other variation is good. If the clothes really do look bad on her, tell her she looks great, but you just don’t think that style suits her as well as another outfit. This is a good time to point out an outfit you know she likes. She’ll love that you’ve noticed what she’s wearing and forget the initial question.
“Do you think she’s prettier/hotter than me?” The answer is always an obvious no. If you get caught looking at another woman, don’t worry. Fix the situation by telling her you were just thinking about how lucky you were to find such a beautiful woman and were just noticing how no other women can compare. We know it’s BS, but we appreciate the effort.
“Am I like my mother?” This one is really tricky. It depends on why she’s asking and whether she likes her mother. Basically, if it’s a bad thing, say no. If she loves her mother and wants to be like her, say yes. Think it through before answering, but think quickly.
“What are you thinking?” Strangely enough, I’ve had guys ask me this more than I’ve asked them. It’s definitely a deer caught in headlights moment – the moment she asks you, your mind will probably go blank. Unless you’re thinking something horrible about her (and why would you be?), just be honest. If she hates the answer, she might just stop asking. On the other hand, it could just help her find out what a fun, goofy guy you really are.
“What don’t you like about me?” This is a trap. It usually comes up before or during a fight. Resist the urge to go down the list of faults, because it doesn’t end well. My advice is to either refuse to answer or give a compliment. One of the best responses I’ve heard (yes, I was stupid enough to ask this) is this gem: “You’re perfect to me and I love everything about you.” It’s sweet and arguing with it just makes the girl look like an ass.
“How do I look?” This isn’t so bad. Just make sure you actually look at her before answering. A simple “Great!” tossed over your shoulder while watching Sports Center isn’t good enough. Take 10 seconds to give us that up and down look you used to give us and tell us we look hot. Try to use more than one or two words once in a while, though.
“Did you notice anything different?” Welcome to pure panic mode. Yes, we see the gears starting to grind as your eyes get wide, trying to take in every minute detail at once. And yes, we do like to watch you squirm. We also expect you to notice what’s different. I’m sorry, but there’s only one real right answer. Notice the difference and answer correctly.
“Are you listening to me?” There are only two right answers to this one. A) Say yes and be able to back it up by repeating back her last few sentences. B) Say no, but have a damn good reason why you weren’t. More often than not, it should be A.
“Do you like my friends/family?” We all imagine our significant other will absolutely love our friends and family. Of course, sometimes we can’t stand our family and friends either. I highly recommend being as honest as possible without being rude. Hell no is not an appropriate answer. Just say you like them, but you just don’t have much in common. We know the code, it’s okay.
“Where’s this going?” Congratulations, your woman is ready for the next step. The question is, are you? Don’t lie on this question. It will come back to bite you in the ass. Be honest. If you’re not ready to move in together or get married, say so. Give her valid reasons. She’ll either like it or she won’t. Either way, don’t lead her on.
Every guy will hear at least most of these multiple times in his life. Don’t panic. Breathe, think and answer carefully. How will she respond? Depends on how much she wants to torture you that day.
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