Shortly after I got married, I was out with some friends and someone asked me how I met my husband. Excitedly, I told my story about how he knocked on my door selling cable, friended me on Facebook, and texted me nearly every day until I agreed to get a beer with him. To me, it’s an incredibly romantic story, but she wasn’t impressed and thought it sounded creepy. Here’s why she’s wrong.
- When we met, I wasn’t interested in dating at all. It was nothing against him personally, although he’s basically the exact opposite of my typical type. That turned out to be a good thing because guys who are my type usually turn out to be jerks. I wasn’t opposed to talking to him and being friends but I didn’t see it going beyond that at first. I was so burned out by my past dating experiences that I automatically assumed dating anyone would just lead to more heartbreak and I was afraid to give it a chance. As it turned out, I’m glad I eventually did say yes.
- He kept in contact but respected my space. He texted me most days just to ask how my day was going. Sometimes I would text back right away and we would talk for hours; other times I was busy and I would wait to respond until I had time. When I didn’t text back right away, he was patient. That was a good move because I’ve dated guys who gave me passive aggressive attitudes about not responding to their texts quickly enough, and they’re all on my block list.
- He didn’t act desperate. Desperation is such a huge turn-off for me, so this was another very smart move. We both had our own lives, jobs, and hobbies to keep us busy so I never got the impression that he was just waiting around by the phone wishing I would drop everything for him.
- To be clear, there was absolutely no stalking. When I think of a guy being overly obsessed with a girl in a creepy way, I usually think of SVU-style stalkers who hide outside her bedroom window and randomly show up at events she’s attending. Rest assured he didn’t do any of that. That would’ve been creepy.
- He didn’t get upset when I said no. During the inevitable long text conversations we had about music, politics, and basketball, he would occasionally throw in one more suggestion that we meet up for a beer and catch a game. I would usually say I was too busy because I did work a lot, but I was also just not ready to try. Every time I said no, he would just accept it and continue being my friend.
- I got to know him as a friend and saw all the qualities I was looking for. While at first glance he was nothing like my ideal guy, I discovered that there was more to him and we really weren’t so different. He’s an old soul like me, someone who appreciates a lot of the same things I do and is always easy to talk to.
- I decided to give him a chance. After months of texting and getting to know each other as friends, I returned to town from a road trip and had a text waiting. He was checking to see if I got home safely and how my day was. Suddenly, I had a personal epiphany of sorts: this guy must really care about me and he’s a good person. Why was I constantly pushing him to the back burner? As scared as I was, I decided to give it a shot.
- He didn’t disappoint me. After we officially began dating, he didn’t go from nice guy to jerk in 3.5 seconds like I was afraid of. He was still a nice guy, and that’s the difference between an actual nice guy and a jerk who pretends he’s nice. Our relationship and our friendship blossomed organically and we were married about two years after we met.
- I’m so glad he didn’t let me give up on love. The fact that he pursued me in such a respectful gentlemanly manner made me believe that there are still gentlemen in this world who respect women (even though it doesn’t seem like it sometimes). I couldn’t be happier that I met one of them.
