The Guy I Turned Down Is Now My Husband—I’m Glad He Kept Trying

Shortly after I got married, I was out with some friends and someone asked me how I met my husband. Excitedly, I told my story about how he knocked on my door selling cable, friended me on Facebook, and texted me nearly every day until I agreed to get a beer with him. To me, it’s an incredibly romantic story, but she wasn’t impressed and thought it sounded creepy. Here’s why she’s wrong.

When we met, I wasn’t interested in dating at all.

 It was nothing against him personally, although he’s basically the exact opposite of my typical type. That turned out to be a good thing because guys who are my type usually turn out to be jerks. I wasn’t opposed to talking to him and being friends but I didn’t see it going beyond that at first. I was so burned out by my past dating experiences that I automatically assumed dating anyone would just lead to more heartbreak and I was afraid to give it a chance. As it turned out, I’m glad I eventually did say yes.

He kept in contact but respected my space.

 He texted me most days just to ask how my day was going. Sometimes I would text back right away and we would talk for hours; other times I was busy and I would wait to respond until I had time. When I didn’t text back right away, he was patient. That was a good move because I’ve dated guys who gave me passive aggressive attitudes about not responding to their texts quickly enough, and they’re all on my block list.

He didn’t act desperate.

Desperation is such a huge turn-off for me, so this was another very smart move. We both had our own lives, jobs, and hobbies to keep us busy so I never got the impression that he was just waiting around by the phone wishing I would drop everything for him.

To be clear, there was absolutely no stalking.

When I think of a guy being overly obsessed with a girl in a creepy way, I usually think of SVU-style stalkers who hide outside her bedroom window and randomly show up at events she’s attending. Rest assured he didn’t do any of that. That would’ve been creepy.

He didn’t get upset when I said no.

During the inevitable long text conversations we had about music, politics, and basketball, he would occasionally throw in one more suggestion that we meet up for a beer and catch a game. I would usually say I was too busy because I did work a lot, but I was also just not ready to try. Every time I said no, he would just accept it and continue being my friend.

I got to know him as a friend and saw all the qualities I was looking for.

While at first glance he was nothing like my ideal guy, I discovered that there was more to him and we really weren’t so different. He’s an old soul like me, someone who appreciates a lot of the same things I do and is always easy to talk to.

I decided to give him a chance.

After months of texting and getting to know each other as friends, I returned to town from a road trip and had a text waiting. He was checking to see if I got home safely and how my day was. Suddenly, I had a personal epiphany of sorts: this guy must really care about me and he’s a good person. Why was I constantly pushing him to the back burner? As scared as I was, I decided to give it a shot.

He didn’t disappoint me.

After we officially began dating, he didn’t go from nice guy to jerk in 3.5 seconds like I was afraid of. He was still a nice guy, and that’s the difference between an actual nice guy and a jerk who pretends he’s nice. Our relationship and our friendship blossomed organically and we were married about two years after we met.

I’m so glad he didn’t let me give up on love. 

The fact that he pursued me in such a respectful gentlemanly manner made me believe that there are still gentlemen in this world who respect women (even though it doesn’t seem like it sometimes). I couldn’t be happier that I met one of them.

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