If A Guy Won’t Make Time For You, Don’t Waste Yours On Him

Some guys refuse to make plans because they don’t want to commit to anything too concrete just in case something better comes along. Instead, they want you to wait for them to hit you up last minute or simply not at all. Screw that — when a guy doesn’t make time for you, don’t waste a second more on him.

Why a guy doesn’t make time for you even though he claims to like you

It doesn’t make sense. The words coming out of his mouth are all about how much he likes you, but his actions make it seem like he just doesn’t give a damn. What’s up with that?

  1. He’s busy talking to other women. This is the most likely explanation for why you just can’t seem to pin this guy down. We all have work, friends, family, and other things going on in life. He’s not special. The most likely reason that he just won’t make time to see you is that he’s spending his time talking to other women. How can he possibly hang out with you when he has so many other women clamoring for his attention?
  2. He’s not interested in a relationship. You’re fun to hang out with when he’s bored and there’s nothing else going on in his life, but when his bros want to go out drinking, there are hot women willing to sleep with him, and life is a bit more exciting, you fade into the background. He’s looking for something far more casual than you’re willing to offer and because he’s not interested in a relationship and he knows you are, he’s not all that keen to spend time with you. It will never end up where either of you want it to be — him in bed and you in a relationship — so why bother?
  3. He only wanted to sleep with you. The guy made time for you when he thought he stood a chance of getting laid (and maybe he actually did), but now that he got what he wanted, he’s sorta over it. Either the sex wasn’t all that good or you’ve suddenly started demanding something a little more serious from him and he’s not feeling it, so he avoids hanging out with you. Of course, if you were to hint at possibly hopping into bed with him again, you might be surprised at how available he becomes…
  4. He’s just not that into you. You hung out a few times and it was fun, but he’s just not feeling the spark there. He thinks you’re a nice girl so he doesn’t want to reject you outright and hurt your feelings, but he also knows that things are never going to lead anywhere because he just doesn’t feel, well, anything for you. It would be nice if he could just be honest, but for a lot of guys, that feels like too much to ask.
  5. His life is too hectic right now. It’s possible (though not likely) that his life is in a really weird/hectic place right now and he shouldn’t even be dating. Maybe it’s really not that the guy won’t make time for you but that he literally has no time free. Whether his work situation is hectic, he’s dealing with a sick family member, or something else that’s taking up a lot of his physical and emotional time and energy, he should probably just be upfront about the fact that he’s not in a good place right now to start a new relationship.

Things to remember when a guy doesn’t make time for you

  1. You deserve more than being an afterthought. You’re a catch and you need to see that even if he doesn’t. Don’t stick around for a man who only texts you when he has nothing better to do. You should want to be the girl he can’t stop thinking about, not the girl he only remembers when he’s exhausted all other options.
  2. You should never be that bored. If a guy can’t commit real-time to you, why aren’t you moving on? Is your life really that boring? Your life has more potential than being some awful guy’s future girlfriend. If he can’t make time with you, hold out for a man who can. You have better ways to spend your time than waiting for the off chance that he might someday maybe want to hang out.
  3. If he’s not making plans, he’s not taking you seriously. The fact that he won’t make plans with you should be the first sign that he’ll never actually commit to you. He’s thinking of your so-called “relationship” as casual. You’re not his girlfriend and you most likely never will be, so unless you’re content with never being in a real relationship, don’t waste a second more on him.
  4. You have a busy life too. Don’t forsake your own life to work around his schedule. You shouldn’t have all the time in the world to just wait around until he decides to grace you with his presence. You’re a strong, independent woman and you don’t need to take that kind of crap from any man. You shouldn’t be sitting around waiting and wasting your time. You should be out living your life to the fullest.
  5. You should be picky, not desperate. Putting up with a guy who can’t even commit to plans with you? You should never be that desperate for a man. You might want a boyfriend, but there’s no point in having a guy around who’s just going to treat you like crap. If that’s the case, then you’re better off alone. Be picky and stay single until you find a man who doesn’t waste your time but instead is truly worthy of it.
  6. If you want to be respected, you have to stay strong. If you let a man walk all over you from day one, that’s how your entire relationship is going to be. By not making plans with you, he’s making himself the priority partner in the relationship. You only hang out on his terms because when it comes to priorities, you’re the last on his list. If you ever want real respect then you know you can’t stick by a man who won’t willingly dedicate his time.
  7. You’re more than just a warm body. You’re way too good to simply be a man’s plaything. If he’s not interested in actually dating you then he doesn’t get to spend any time in your bed. Guys who only hit you up when they’re bored or horny don’t respect you. They think of you as nothing more than a hookup buddy, and it’s time for you to realize that you’re way too good to be used for sex.
  8. At the end of the day, it’s his loss. If a man won’t make plans with you, you can’t sit around pouting about how unfair modern dating is or wondering if there’s something wrong with you. If he can’t make time for you then there’s something wrong with HIM. This is his loss, not yours. You’re an amazing woman and you deserve a hell of a lot better than to be some guy’s afterthought.
  9. He’ll never be a good boyfriend. If you let him slack at the beginning, he’ll never make a real effort. Why? Because he knows he doesn’t have to. By not making plans with you, he’s setting a precedent. He’s showing you exactly how much work and effort he’s willing to put into dating you—none. He’ll never be the kind of man you deserve because he doesn’t think you really deserve for him to make an effort.
  10. He’ll tear away at your self-esteem. What happens when he doesn’t text you back or doesn’t make plans? What happens when you watch him make time for everything in his life but you? How are you going to feel? You need to love and respect yourself enough to not let any man put you through that kind of BS. Men shouldn’t make you doubt yourself; they should make you feel good about yourself. If he doesn’t like you enough to make time, love yourself enough to not waste your time on him.
  11. Your time is just as precious as his. If he won’t make time for you but expects you to make time for him, then he doesn’t consider your time precious. In fact, he doesn’t consider it at all. He wants you to work around his schedule because he thinks the relationship is all about him. Just remember, your time is just as important as his and you’re just as important as him. If that’s not obvious to him, he’s definitely not worth it.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.