You finally meet a seemingly great guy and things are going well, but now you have to get over the big hurdle: making things exclusive. The biggest obstacle is trying to figure out if he’s still keeping his options open. This can prove a difficult task if you’re not willing to just speak up and ask outright. Need help trying to decode the situation? Here are 15 signs that you may not be his only one and he’s seeing someone else.
He often mentions how much he likes “hanging out” with you. Chances are, your relationship is a whole lot less than casual at this point. But, that doesn’t stop him from mentioning (often, as well) how much fun he has with you and how much he likes hanging out. That would be a compliment if it didn’t say it in a way that makes it very clear how casual he’s trying to be.
He gets weird when you mention a relationship. You might even just be talking about your best friend and her boyfriend and how happy. Then, suddenly this guy gets all weird and standoffish. It’s like the mere mention of commitment is a trigger to him. This is a big sign he’s seeing someone else. (Or, it could just be that he has commitment issues, which is equally bad.)
He’s not texting you often. This might not have been weird 10 years ago. These days, it’s often the first sign that he’s not 100% committed. Of course, this varies from person to person. The guy you’re seeing just might be a bad texter. Still, you should know when you’re approaching ghosting levels.
He changed how regularly he contacts you. When he was trying to get your attention, maybe before you went out for the first time or slept together, did he get in touch often? If he used to be in touch constantly and you’re now waiting hours for a simple “hi,” something is up.
He makes no mention of the future. His birthday is in a month, and every time you ask what he wants to do, he changes the subject. There’s no mention of weekend plans, let alone holidays or anything beyond that. If he’s not planning for the future, odds are he’s not anticipating there will be a future.
He’s texting a lot when he’s with you. This is a big sign he’s seeing someone else. He can barely respond to your “How’s your day?” text, but here he is at the bar, texting up a storm. The first time, you can assume it’s a family/friend/work emergency and ask if everything’s okay. If he says nothing critical is going on and continues to text in your presence, it’s not even worth figuring out if he’s seeing other people.
In general, he’s distracted when he’s with you. He may not have his face buried in his phone, but you can probably tell that he’s distant. He may be not contributing too much to the conversation or he’s barely even making eye contact. If he’s not engaged in spending time with you, his mind is somewhere else. Feel free to ask what’s up, but you may not like the answer.
He blatantly checks out other women in public. Like, he’s not even trying to be subtle about it. He just physically turns around to watch that waitress walk away. That’s just not just disrespectful, it’s a huge red flag that he’s interested in (and most likely is) pursuing other women.
He’s always in a rush and doesn’t have much time to hang out. You’ve been looking forward to dinner all week, but here he is ordering as soon as he gets a menu, hurrying to eat his food, and refusing dessert. He could just be a fast eater… or he could be trying to get somewhere else. Another date, perhaps?
You’re never involved in plans. Instagram informs you that he went to that art exhibit you told him you were dying to go to. He may have gone alone or with some friends—it’s not only damning if he went with another girl. He clearly doesn’t want to involve you in his plans—plans you mentioned you wanted to make and even tried to do—which means he’s not interested in you. All together now: DROP HIM.
He’s hesitant to bring his friends around you. Why? Well, one beer too many and they could accidentally mention “that girl Gina” that he’s been talking to. Or they could have no idea that the girls he’s seeing don’t know he’s talking to other people. Either way, it’s a potentially bad situation for him.
His social media is filled with pictures of other girls. Lots of pictures of attractive “friends” kissing his cheek? Seems like he only posts Instas of him surrounded by gaggles of blondes? Those are signs that he’s on the prowl and ready to flirt, my friend.
Conversely, you’re never on his Snap story. He’ll post a food picture Insta from your dinner and won’t tag you. You know he loves to post goofy things to his story, but when something Snap-worthy happens with you, he’ll never post it. If you’re comfortable with one another, posting things like that on social media is commonplace—but maybe not if he’s trying to avoid the DTR talk with you and other ladies.
He cancels… a lot. If you find you get a lot of stock bail texts (“I’m not feeling so great,” “Actually, I’m really tired”, etc.), it’s likely that he has other plans that he’s ditching you for. A few times is okay, but if it becomes a habit for him to cancel plans last minute, listen to your gut.
He gets shifty when asked certain questions. Namely, “What’d you do last night?” or “What are we?” If he gets weird about his plans last weekend or he looks nauseous when you finally bring up the big question, he’s not ready to commit to you. He should be excited to talk about that second question or even bring it up himself.
You notice he’s using your name less and less. If he’s seeing multiple girls and he doesn’t want you to know, odds are he’s nervous using your name. When an entire date goes by with him only calling you “babe” or avoiding addressing you at all, something might be up.
He says someone else’s name in bed. This is what he’s trying to avoid by not saying your name! The ultimate sign that the guy you’re seeing is talking to other women is the name flub. If he moans Ashley and your name is Grace, what else are you supposed to think? Sure, it might the name of an ex-girlfriend or a Freudian slip, but either way, you’re obviously in a weird situation.
What to do if you suspect he’s seeing someone else
Tread carefully. It’s important to realize that just because you think he’s seeing someone else behind your back doesn’t mean it’s actually happening. Once you make an accusation like that, it’s not something you can take back, so you’ll want to be absolutely sure before you go to him with this. Take your time before making a move.
Gather your evidence. Again, you want to be sure (or as sure as possible) when you accuse him of cheating on you, which means you’ll need to launch an investigation to gather as much proof as possible. You want him to basically be unable to deny it in the face of all the evidence you have, so hit up social media and do a little digging around the house or in your friend group to see what you can find out.
Confront him. When you’re pretty much certain that he’s seeing someone else, the only thing left to do is to confront him about it. Be upfront and firm about what you think is going on and how it makes you feel. Hopefully, if he respects you enough, he’ll tell you the truth and apologize for betraying you. However, that’s not a guarantee.
Prepare to eat crow if you’re wrong. There’s always a small chance that you’re wrong about it. He’s not being unfaithful, and there’s an actual explanation for his shady behavior that has nothing to do with sleeping with or even talking to anyone but you. In that case, you’ll have to eat a giant slice of humble pie and admit that you were completely wrong. Also, you’ll need to be ready for him to break things off completely. People don’t take well to knowing their partner doesn’t trust them, so this could damage the relationship irreparably.
Leave him if you’re right (or you can’t shake the feeling that you are). If he does admit that he’s been cheating or you don’t believe him when he denies it, you have no other choice than to end the relationship. You can’t stay with someone you can’t trust and that you think is lying to you, so you’ll have to walk away no matter how much it hurts.