Sadly enough, it took my friend practically screaming at me to stop going deep in the woods to drag this one inconsistent guy back on my path for me to have a wake-up call about moving on. It doesn’t have to be that dramatic to read the signs. It only invites unnecessary hurt and drama into your life to hang onto a guy who is clearly not interested despite your best efforts. If any of these 11 points are true in your situation, just do yourself a favor and walk away with your dignity intact.
You don’t hear from him if you don’t text first.
I get that some people lead super busy lives. If he’s more of an independent free-spirit type, or just generally a confident and secure attachment style kind of person, he’s probably OK with space on his end. It could be completely comfortable to have room to breathe and not check in with his partner multiple times a day. In general, though, if a guy is actively pursuing and wanting to get closer to someone new, he’d reach out. Letting days go by without even so much as a humorous gif or emoji your way to let you know he’s thinking of you isn’t a good sign.
He verbally promises to do what you want from a guy/relationship but doesn’t attempt to lift a finger.
The fact that he can specifically articulate your wants confirms he’s heard you and knows what he should be doing. Not following through with those things is a choice. He’s blowing smoke by feeding you straight-up lies. If he wanted to change for you, he’d do it.
He gaslights you with passive-aggressive moves.
After lingering in a situationship for months, I tried to cut this one guy off. He made a gesture by showing up with yellow flowers. Considering my biggest gripe with him was our undefined relationship status, I was a little put off by the color meaning oversight. If that alone wasn’t enough for a full guilty verdict, the next time I tried to end it for continued lack of action on his end, he executed yet another questionable last-ditch effort by offering to cook me dinner… and prepared food I had made known many times were not part of my diet.
He gets distant when you go through something serious.
Someone who is only looking for a casual encounter is going to bolt when it gets too heavy for him. This one guy and I were on great terms until I had a family member land in the hospital. That would’ve been the perfect opportunity to step up as emotional support. If real life is a turn-off for him, he’s not trying to play a meaningful role in your long term.
He disrespects people close to you.
Not only is this just plain rude, but it’s also a clear indicator that he’s not trying to impress you. He should think of your circle as extensions of who you are and be mindful of getting their stamp of approval. If he isn’t worried about what your friends think, then he’s probably not too concerned about what you do either.
He won’t go public about you two.
At the very least, he could mention he’s off the market. It’s not a big deal to admit he’s pursuing someone or even that he’s trying to specifically get to know you better and has been spending time with you. Guys who act like bringing you up is equivalent to announcing a whole shotgun eloped wedding are suspect. If you can’t openly name drop him, say he’s your boyfriend with confidence, or post pics of you two together, that’s a problem.
You haven’t met anyone in his life.
If he’s serious, he’s going to want to take it a step further than winning your crew over. He’s going to want to know how you mesh with his people as well. Guys tend to be pretty close to their moms and value their opinion, so if he isn’t getting second and third input on you from people he trusts, he’s not trying to make something happen.
You’ve brought up the “what are we” convo more than once.
Even the first time things seemed vague, this was questionable. But maybe he’s shy or was letting you take the lead. If this is a topic that remains unsettled past the beginning getting-to-know-each-other stage, however, I’d let the whole thing go. Your value’s worth being recognized quickly by the right person who truly sees you.
He only comes around with the prospect of sex.
This should be mostly obvious, but if he always positions himself to “come back to your place,” you’ll see where his priorities lie. That, or if drinks are always proposed, he may just be trying to loosen you up for an “intimate” evening ahead. If hooking up is clearly not an option and he’s not making a move to see you, you should be rubbed the wrong way. He just wants what you can physically give him in bed.
He entertains female attention without shutting it down.
Be wary of guys who have too many women on social media. If all his posts are liked and hearted by women, he may be keeping exes around for easy access or overly flirty with the opposite sex in general. I’d be cautious of telltale player characteristics such as blurring the lines of friendliness. He’s probably enjoying the bachelor lifestyle too much to consider settling down with one woman.
He continues to say he needs more time.
He’s stringing you along as long as he can until you wise up. If he was interested in you, he’d feel a sense of urgency to make a move. His complacency should be considered a sign of apathy.
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