It Might Feel Scary, But It’s Time To Walk Away & Let Him Go

Deciding to break up with someone is often scary, no matter how toxic the relationship has become. Even if you feel in your heart that it would be easier to leave than it is to stay with this guy, the prospect of actually cutting things off can be daunting… especially if you dread being alone. If something inside you is telling you to end it, you should do it no matter how terrifying it seems:

  1. You’re not happy with him, you’re just comfortable. When you’re miserable in a relationship, but can’t bring yourself to walk away, it’s not because you’re scared of losing the happiness you share with this guy — it’s because he’s been your reality for so long that you don’t know what you’d do without him around. The comfort is fine when you enjoy your time with someone, but when it’s the only thing keeping you with him, it’s just not worth it.
  2. You’d never pick him again if you made the decision today. If you had to start from scratch, would you really want to date this guy? I’m guessing the answer would be a hard “no.” Face it: he’s not the same guy you were once crazy for, and now that he’s shown who he really is, you’d never stick with him if you were to meet him for the first time today. If you wouldn’t actively choose to have him in your life now, you need to actively choose to remove him from your life.
  3. You’re going to feel like a new person when you’re free. The negative feeling that’s been building up inside you for so long is going to be released the second you act on your thoughts to leave. We don’t always realize just how bad things have gotten until we get the chance to get away from them, and once you do it, you’re going to be able to look back on this mess and wonder why you let yourself wade around in it for so long.
  4. Your mental health is suffering. You feel like a human-shaped mass of stress, depression, anxiety, and sorrow. Girl, you know this isn’t how a person is supposed to feel when they’re with someone they care about. If it hasn’t already, all the horrible stuff you’re feeling is going to start to take a toll on your physical health as well. If the fact that your body is rejecting this relationship isn’t enough evidence that you should leave, I don’t know what will be.
  5. You know you deserve better. You’re one hell of a woman, and when you get away from this guy, you’re going to see just how many guys are out there who could really make you happy. You know that you have so much to offer in a relationship, and you also know that giving it up to this guy is a huge waste. If you don’t walk away from him, though, how are you ever going to find someone who treats you the way you know you should be treated?
  6. Being single would be preferable to what you’re going through right now. I know the prospect of being single is intimidating when you’ve dedicated so much time and effort to making a relationship work, but it’s going to suck way less than what you’re currently dealing with. And honestly, you’re going to love being single again a lot more than you thought you would once you realize exactly how much staying with this guy was hurting you.
  7. It might hurt at first, but you’ll be so much happier in the long term. It’s time to rip off that proverbial Band-Aid. Yes, it’s going to be painful at first no matter how bad things were towards the end. You’re going to cry, you’re going to want to go back, and you’re going to feel like your heart has been ripped in two. But I promise you that a couple weeks from now, looking back won’t even be an option. Happiness won’t come instantly, but it will come in time, and it will be stronger than the pain that comes with the initial breakup.
  8. You know what you’d say to a friend if she were in your place. You know you’d never let her stay in a situation that was causing her nothing but grief, so why would you put yourself through the same thing? We tend to forget to love ourselves the same way we love others, but we shouldn’t. You are loved by so many people, and just as it would tear you apart to see them staying in a toxic relationship, I guarantee it’s killing them to see you being hurt by something you could easily walk away from.
  9. The anticipation is the worst part. Just like that slow climb to the top of a massive roller coaster, the worrying you’re doing leading up to this breakup is going to be a lot worse than the actual breakup itself. Once the words come out of your mouth, it’s going to be tough, but not nearly as tough as what you’re going through right now. The faster you end it, the less you’re going to have to deal with the anxiety that comes before it.
  10. Deep down, you know it’s what you need to do. Once you start trying to convince yourself why you should stay, you already know that you shouldn’t. You can tell your friends, family, and the entire world that you’re happy with this guy, but you can’t lie to yourself. That nagging feeling in your stomach is your gut telling you that it’s time to go. You’re going to do yourself a huge favor if you decide to listen to it.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.