I feel like I’m a pretty chill person, but guys seriously test my patience at times and I just can’t hold my tongue. Some of the crap I’ve heard men say about women both to our faces and when they’re with each other and think we’re not paying attention is absolute garbage and I have no problem speaking up when I hear it. This has, of course, earned me the hilariously ridiculous “feminazi” label and I’ve been accused more times than I can count of being a man hater despite the fact that I’m a straight woman in a long-term relationship with a guy. Newsflash, dudes: I’m not a “man hater” because I hate the way you behave and call you out on it.
- You’re not above criticism. I don’t know what it is about some guys that make them feel like they’re completely perfect and above any and all criticism. You’re not perfect — no one is — and sometimes you say or do f–ked up things that are not okay. When that happens, you’re damn right I’m going to say something about it. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t make me wrong or you hard done by.
- Toxic masculinity is a thing. Men have a ton of pressure on them to act a certain way to appear more masculine and powerful. I get that, but I don’t support it and it needs to change. Women are your equals, not your subordinates. We’re not objects for you to use and discard as you see fit, and we don’t exist simply to bend to your whims (nor are we “bitches” when we refuse to). Toxic masculinity is allowed to continue because we’re not doing anything to stop it. Me calling guys out who display these traits is doing my small part in trying to draw attention to the problem and put an end to it. I realize it falls upon deaf ears more often than not, but I’m not going to stop.
- I don’t call you a “woman hater” for your clearly misogynistic ideas. What makes me laugh about these indignant guys calling me a “man hater” when I speak up about their terrible thought patterns and behaviors is the fact that I’m not calling you guys “woman haters” for your vile views on women. That’s because I understand nuance and complexity and that holding a few messed-up ideas doesn’t make you a terrible person. This is just another way to discount women and write off our legitimate concerns to continue your own harmful behaviors.
- If you don’t know, you can’t change. I’m not being intentionally rude or confrontational when I call you out, guys. I’m telling you that what you’re saying/doing isn’t cool because maybe you legitimately don’t know how problematic it is. If you don’t know, you can’t change, and you’ll never know if no one ever tells you. While I feel like some of these toxic views are pretty obviously so, I like to give the benefit of the doubt. If I tell you that you’re being a raging misogynist and you choose to continue, that’s on you.
- Women have put up with this crap for way too long. Men really don’t understand what women have to go through. It’s 2022, and misogyny is truly alive and well. It’s not just as simple as “guys don’t think we can do what they can do” either. We have to think about what we’re wearing when we leave the house in case we get raped and are told we’re “asking for it.” We have to look over our shoulders and carry mace in our bags in case we’re attacked when we’re walking home alone at night. In 2020 alone, more than 47,000 women and girls were killed by their male partners. Our bodies are being legislated and control over our own autonomy taken away. According to RAINN, one in every six women has been the victim of an attempted or complete rape in her lifetime, and nine out of 10 rape victims are female. How does having a problem with the politics and culture that perpetuates this make me a “man hater”?
- I’d call women out for problematic behavior too. My willingness to be vocal isn’t all about men. If I hear a woman saying something problematic about men or any marginalized group. It doesn’t matter what gender or race you are – if you’re being discriminatory and toxic about another group of people, I’m going to say something about it. If you take it personally, maybe it’s because you’re not mature enough to confront your own biases and lack the ability to be accountable for your actions. In that case, maybe it’s time to stop calling women “man hater” and start taking a long hard look at yourself.
