You’ve seen the listicles: “10 things guys love in a girl” or “10 things guys hate in a girl.” They tell us what to do and what not to do as if it was their job to do that. Some women live their lives trying to conform to what they think men will like, but I refuse to live my life that way.
- I really work not to care what guys think. I’m only human, so once in a while I care despite not wanting to. Most of the time, however, I don’t care. It’s not just guys, either—it’s anyone. Why should I live my life based on the expectations of those around me? Especially in a patriarchal world, I don’t take life instructions from men.
- Feminism plays a role. Naturally, I’m a feminist. That doesn’t mean I hate men. It does, however, mean that I can live my life according to my own rules and not theirs. It means I see right through the BS and choose instead to go my own way.
- This is an oppressive way to control women. Look at the beauty industry. They make billions of dollars on us hating ourselves and trying to change to meet societal expectations. These expectations say guys like it when women are thinner, not all guys, but this is a message that’s sent out. As a result, women buy tons of diet food, supplements, and buy into weight loss programs. This isn’t for health. This is for an ideal forced upon them. I want to love my body properly.
- It tries to rob me of getting to be me. One of the problems with trying to conform to men’s expectations is that my individuality is dampened. What if I like to dye my hair pink because it feels like me? Though some men say they only like women with a natural hair color (cue puking noise), I do whatever I want. I dye my hair any color I want and continue to live my life as if there weren’t expectations because to me there aren’t any that matter!
- Every guy is different. One of the problems with trying to follow these “rules” of what women should and shouldn’t do is that they’re always changing. Someone always has a new opinion. Guys are different; some of them think one thing is attractive and others don’t. There’s no rule book that applies across the board. I don’t need one. I’ll make my own.
- What about the LGBTQIA community? Assuming that I care what men think also insinuates that I only date men. I date all genders and that really frees me up from so much concern about what men think about me. I’m not saying I don’t want to date men—I do and I love dating them—but they’re not the end-all-be-all. Plus, dating in the LGBTQIA community just smashes gender norms and expectations anyway.
- I don’t want men with these expectations. The type of guy I want in my life isn’t someone who has all of these ridiculous expectations. Sure, it’s OK to expect someone to be emotionally available and kind, but when we start getting down into what someone should wear, how they should act, etc., we’re in dangerous territory. This veers over into just being plain old controlling and who wants a guy like that?
- If I’m with a guy, he’ll like me for who I am. If I do end up with a guy then he won’t have all of these crazy expectations. He’ll see me and he’ll be cool with me just as I am. I’ve been there before—these guys definitely exist. They’re worth waiting around for and wading through pools of not so worthwhile guys.
- If you do care what guys think that’s OK too. Look, it’s not easy to break away from what society has ingrained in us. It’s taught us that we need to do these things in order to be loved and feel lovable. This is nonsense, but I understand why you believe it. It’s almost easier to just go with the grain and do what’s “expected” of you. Don’t fret. With practice, you can start to not care as well!
- If a guy is trying to control what you do, leave him. Look, life is too short to be controlled by someone and especially by a guy who thinks he’s above you. There are plenty of guys who don’t feel this way. Hold out for them. If you don’t even date guys at all, then there’s even less to worry about!
