Why Only Hanging Out With Other Couples When You’re In A Relationship Is Toxic

You’ve finally found a guy who’s funny, smart, attractive, and kind. He loves you and treats you like a total queen. You’ve gone on tons of dates and your future is looking bright. Now that you’re in a solid relationship, you start to think about double dates. You have a few friends in serious relationships and so does he. It’s perfect! Now you can hang out with your love AND your friends. What could go wrong? In short, everything.

  1. Everything becomes a competition. You probably won’t notice it at first, but double dating can cause the competitive side to come out of anyone. All of a sudden, you start to question things you would never have before. Who has the better boyfriend? Who’s the better girlfriend? Do they have more fun than you? Do they ever fight? Who’s more successful? Who’s having more sex? These little insecurities slowly creep in. All of a sudden, you’re trying to prove who’s better instead of just enjoying each other’s company.
  2. Your conversation topics get stale. Let’s face it, sometimes couples talk about mundane crap. Do topics like salaries, the housing market, work opportunities, and babies need to be discussed 24/7? Definitely not! The issue is that when you’re always hanging out with other couples, these conversations start coming up more and more.
  3. It’s easy to lose your sense of self. It’s hard enough to keep your identity fully intact when you’re dating one person. Now you’re dating one person and hanging out with another couple. This can put pressure on you to act in a way that better serves the group or to even change your views so that they’re more cohesive with everyone else’s opinions.
  4. You start to overvalue what it means to be in a relationship. If you’re only hanging out with other couples, then eventually you start to put a lot of importance on being in a relationship. After all, if your significant other and you broke up, would the four of you still hang out together? Probably not. The social pressure to be in a relationship becomes much greater, which can be stressful for you and your relationship. You also forget that being single is a perfectly healthy option.
  5. You run the risk of becoming too similar. If you only hang out with people who are similar to you and are at the same point in their lives, there’s no challenge. People should have healthy debates and have their viewpoints questioned occasionally. Listening to others that have different thoughts is how we learn and compromise. If you’re just hanging out with your partner all the time and another couple who thinks just like you, that room for growth disappears.
  6. You forget about your other good friends who are single. If you are always hanging out with your partner or double dating, there’s a good chance that the time you spend with your single friends will decrease. Remember that these are the people who have been with you all along. It’s going to be hurtful to them if you keep bailing to do group stuff or exclude them because they don’t have a date.
  7. Appearances become everything. When you always have plans to go out with another couple, keeping up appearances starts to become highly important. No one wants to fight in front of another couple or admit that their relationship isn’t perfect. Saving face is the priority even if something is going on behind the scenes. Instead of issues being addressed and resolved, there is a higher chance for them to build up and explode later on.
  8. You rush the relationship. No relationship is identical. Even if you started dating around the same time, you still have a different relationship that will progress at its own speed. That’s totally okay! The problem with hanging out with another couple constantly is that you start to compare your timeline with theirs. They’re going away for a weekend trip together and you never have. He’s already introduced her to his parents, but your boyfriend hasn’t done that. The worst one? They just got engaged and you’ve never even had that conversation. It’s a vicious cycle! Having these thoughts can cause you to rush parts of your relationship just so you feel like you are “keeping up.”
  9. Your friend groups stay isolated. If you are always hanging out with your couple friends, you’re not getting introduced to each other’s friend groups. This is super important for relationships. You need to see what his friends are like, how he behaves with them, and vice versa. You can also tell a lot about a guy by how he treats your friends. When your friend groups stay isolated, it can hurt your relationship.
  10. You forget to focus on each other. Relationships need attention just like everything else. If all of your dates take place with other couples, you might forget that sometimes you need to focus on each other. Take time to appreciate all of your partner’s good qualities and why you started dating in the first place. You have to remember to prioritize each other! At the end of the day, that’s who your core relationship is with.
Victoria Hill is a freelance writer in Boston. Originally from Florida, she is slowly becoming accustomed to Boston winters. She loves writing, coffee, and actually experiencing seasons!