Not Gonna Lie — I Feel Awkward As Hell When My Boyfriend Wants To Talk About Feelings

My boyfriend is one of those rare specimens that actually loves to have deep and meaningful conversations about his emotions and mine. In theory, this is great. It’s what every woman wants, right? Not me. I don’t know why, but I find it so hard to talk about my feelings — it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and just really not my bag, which is causing a serious problem in my relationship.

Emotional conversations just don’t feel right. It’s probably because I didn’t grow up having them. My parents weren’t big on words, particularly not words about what was going on in their heads and hearts. Because of this, I don’t just find it hard to talk about feelings, I will literally run in the opposite direction to avoid it. I wish I was more in touch with myself in this way, but vocalizing what’s going on inside of just isn’t for me.

I have feelings, I just don’t want to talk about them. Just because I don’t want to have a talk about my feelings doesn’t mean I don’t have them. I do, of course. I’m not a robot and things do affect me. I suppose I just prefer to process things in my own head without putting them out into the world. I’m used to dealing with things on my own, so I’ve never felt the need to have deep conversations, which really upsets my boyfriend. He seems to think that because I won’t open up, that means I don’t want to be close to him. That’s just not true, but I don’t know how to convince him otherwise.

I prefer to show how I feel rather than expressing it in words. I love my boyfriend like crazy and would do anything for him (within reason, of course). I try and show him this every day in how I treat him and how I behave. I feel like that should be enough for him. After all, even if I was super into talking about how I feel, those words would mean nothing if I didn’t back those words up with actions. I’d much rather someone treat me with care, consideration, and affection than simply tell me they care about me while acting like they couldn’t care less.

I know communication is key but I still struggle with this. I’m not naive and I do get that communication is a vital part of a relationship. I’m very open and honest with my boyfriend, just in a matter-of-fact way. I might not want to get into the nitty-gritty of every emotion I experience, but that doesn’t mean that I’m impossible to talk to or that I’m not working to make sure we’re on the same page. I do try and push myself out of my comfort zone by telling him a bit of what’s going on inside me when I can, but I end up feeling too awkward and have to stop.

Most of my relationships with men have never gone deep. This isn’t all down to me, of course. However,  women usually pull the emotional weight in a relationship and I’m just not an emotional person. That meant that there was no depth there. All my exes and I never went below the surface, which made for really unfulfilling relationships. I’m trying to do things differently with my current boyfriend but I’m worried I’m failing.

There’s nothing I really need to talk about on that level. This is one thing my boyfriend doesn’t seem to comprehend. I’m not holding back my feelings from him, I just don’t really have any that I need to talk about. I’m hot harboring any angst, sadness, anger, or anything else. If I was really struggling or had something I just had to say, I’m sure I would. At the moment, I’m good.

My emotions change constantly anyway. Maybe one of the reasons I hate having deep conversations is that they’re so changeable. I might be furious about something one minute, only to be totally fine five minutes later. I don’t want to start to cry while talking about my feelings when I know they’re going to be totally different pretty quickly. By the time my boyfriend has a chance to react, I’ll likely be over it. Because of this, I’d rather just not bother.

I know I need to work through this issue but it’s hard. I am aware that this is something I need to work on. I’m a grown woman and I’d like to think I’m pretty emotionally mature. That means I should be able to voice my emotions without squirming or basically feeling like I want a giant hole to come and swallow me up. I’ve considered going to therapy to deal with this issue and I may end up doing that. I value my relationship and my boyfriend’s feelings too much to not try.

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