I Hate How Easily I Fall For Guys, But I Can’t Control It

When I was in fifth grade, I hopped off the school bus and proudly announced to my mom that I had my first boyfriend. I guess I skipped the whole “boys have cooties” phase. Since I was young, I’ve relished the feeling of watching a crush turn into something more. I’ve enjoyed this feeling so much, in fact, it’s caused me to fall for a few people I probably shouldn’t have.

  1. I should know better now that I’m older. I’ve always believed most people are inherently good. I realize being a good person doesn’t immediately qualify anyone to be relationship material. I guess I just have the tendency to see my crushes through rose-colored glasses. I assume a guy is nice from the get-go, but life experience has taught me that I probably shouldn’t! Despite that, my heart always seems to wipe the slate clean with every new guy I pursue.
  2. I’ve tried to change but it’s just not that simple. Although I’ve made an effort to be more cautious with my heart, it’s hard to keep from jumping into relationships head-first. I know when I’m into someone, and it’s hard for me to pump the brakes when all I want to do is speed ahead.
  3. I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic. I love to love — it’s as simple as that. I’ve always believed true love exists, and I’m on a quest to find it. For that reason, I may have jumped the gun on a few relationships in the past… but I have a lot of hope for the future.
  4. It doesn’t matter how many times my friends warn me. My friends have poked fun at me on more than one occasion about my tendency to relationship-hop. I know they do it because they care, and when they tell me to be careful, I really do try to listen. There are instances in which I wish I had taken them more seriously, especially when I was trying my best to make it work with a guy that was so clearly not for me.
  5. I’ve never been very good at being single. I’m independent in many ways and I’m proud of that fact, but I have to admit that I’ve never been great at being on my own. I like the comfort that comes with having one person you can lean on at all times. The loneliness I feel in between relationships is often the one thing that propels me into my next potential crush. I’m not totally proud of that fact, but I know I’m not the only person who does it!
  6. I never seem to learn my lesson. Opening up to another person too soon has burned me in the past. I try to keep personal details to myself in the beginning, but there’s just something freeing about spilling your guts to someone you like. If I lay everything on the line in the beginning and he still accepts me for who I am, that’s the kind of guy I want to move forward with. It sounds simple enough but it never is. Oftentimes opening up too quickly leads to too much pressure and the inevitable rejection.
  7. I’m not hurting anyone but myself. Right now, you might be relating to every word I say or you may be reading this thinking to yourself, what the hell is wrong with this girl? Either way, my actions are just that — mine. I’m not hurting anyone but myself by falling too hard or too quickly with the men I like.
  8. What if I’m too careful and I push the perfect guy away? Like most people, my brain and heart tend to go to war with one another every so often. Logically, I know taking things slow is probably best for me. My heart has other plans, however. What if I wait too long to tell someone how I feel and I lose them for good?
  9. Putting myself out there is risky, but it’s worth it. What’s love without a little risk? Love is inherently risky in so many ways. I don’t want to fall slowly for someone; I want to feel the rush that comes with new love and I want to enjoy it. If it doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be.
  10. The heart wants what it wants. I make dozens of boring, rational decisions every day of my life. I decide which workout DVD I’m going to pop in that day, I decide which meal I need to defrost for tonight’s dinner, I pay my bills. When it comes to relationships, sometimes I just need to let my heart take the reins. I’ve been hurt plenty of times, but I’ve also experienced beautiful moments that I cherish. Falling hard and fast for guys isn’t one of my best qualities and sometimes I really do hate myself for it. But, in the moments I’m falling, I don’t think about it too much — I just enjoy the ride.
Jessica is a proud Pittsburgher that loves to drink tea and adopt cats in her spare time. She is a self-proclaimed Slytherin and would like to visit Harry Potter World as soon as possible!
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