Haven’t Met Your Person Yet? Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Stress

It sucks to know you haven’t met your person yet, especially when it seems like everyone around you is happily settled down. However, being single longer than you wanted or hoped you might be shouldn’t be cause for stress or concern. Instead of freaking out about your time running out, remember that there’s no right time to find love. Here’s some encouragement for when you need it most.

  1. It’s a necessary part of the process. Disappointment and rejection aren’t fun, but believe it or not, they’re an important part of the process of finding love. The next time you feel yourself getting down and feeling hopeless about your own happily ever after, remember that your experiences are only bringing you closer to one that will actually stick.
  2. Use it as a learning experience. Douchebags and idiot guys are definitely good for one thing: showing you what you do and don’t want in a relationship. Sure, some people get lucky and find the love of their lives without any of the terrible luck that you’ve had, but rest assured that one day you’ll wake up next to someone you truly love, knowing full well that he’s the guy meant for you because you have real experience and life lessons under your belt.
  3. You have a thick skin from experiencing the worst. Being screwed over, lied to, cheated on, and ghosted isn’t fun for anyone. However, the harsh truth is that all of these things, even though they’re annoying AF, are all making you a stronger and more badass woman overall. When you finally do find your unicorn, you’re not going to sweat the small and petty things in your relationship. Instead, you can bask in bliss and appreciation for the guy who’s finally stepped up to the plate and treated you the way truly deserve.
  4. That right guy will really stand out above the rest. When you’ve dated a ton of douchebags, those good guys really do start to shine brighter. You look at good and honest men with a fresh set of eyes, which is exactly why you’re going to end up with the best man yet. You can appreciate the little things and won’t let the right guy slip away when he finally comes along.
  5. You start to realize your worth and demand what you deserve. When you’ve been through enough heartbreak, you start to gain a lot more confidence because you know you’re capable of being broken down and building yourself right back up again. You’ve allowed yourself to be vulnerable for love and even if it hasn’t worked out, you should be proud of yourself for trying. You might not have love yet, but when you know you’ve been treated unfairly, it really does shine light onto what you truly do deserve from love. It’s out there.
  6. Survival is only for the fittest. You wouldn’t be braving douchebags you can’t handle, so be proud of the fact that you’re only being dished with the BS you can survive. Some people need an easy journey, but not you — you know that putting in the work and wading through the crap will eventually lead you to something amazing (or at least that’s the hope).
  7. You become indestructibly strong. Learning through trial and error exactly what you want and who you are is a completely empowering and amazing experience. If it wasn’t for those douchebags, you wouldn’t know just how much BS you can withstand and walk away from. You don’t need anyone but yourself to be happy and that’s pretty amazing.
  8. Those douchebags never deserved you. If any of those douchebags was the right douchebag for you, he would still be around (and he wouldn’t be an douchebag, for the record). Don’t look back at what didn’t work out. Instead, get excited about what’s coming up — real love.
  9. You’re meant for better things, so get ready. It’s time to pick the broken pieces of your heart off the ground, straighten your crown and walk into your future like a boss — you earned this. Sure, the road is going to get rocky sometimes and you might even brave a few more douchebags along the way, but every step is just bringing you that much closer to love. Get ready for it.
  10. Guys can tell if you’ve only got marriage on your mind. Just because you haven’t met your person doesn’t mean you should take whoever comes along. Do you want to be with someone you love and respect or do you just want to get married? Be honest with yourself here. It’s much better to be married to someone you love at the age of 45 than to rush the process at 25 to a guy you barely know because you want the “wife” role. When you start dating, guys can totally tell if you’re looking to make a genuine connection or if you’re just terrified of being single.
  11. You’re more likely to try to “change” a guy into what you want if you’re impatient. Simply put, that’s not cool. Everyone has a little bit of self-improvement they need to make throughout their lives, but finding someone and pushing big improvements will only lead to resentment and disaster. Remember, he’s a human — not a paper doll. The true guy of your dreams is out there and won’t need to be “worked on.” He’ll just naturally be on the same page as you.
  12. Dating for the sake of dating is a waste of your time. If you know he’s not great but figure that being attached is better than being single, stop and think for a second. By dating a loser, you’re blocking yourself from meeting someone you have a true connection with. Do you really want to look back and realize that you wasted your best years on people you don’t even care for?
  13. There’s no expiration date for milestone moments. Most women get married in their 20s and early 30s, yes. But really, there’s no specific window of time.  You can, and should, get married when you know for sure that you’re in love with someone. It’s different for everyone. Wouldn’t you rather tie the knot with your soulmate later in life or some guy you’re not totally compatible with today?
  14. Being single helps you figure out what you truly want. If you can’t remember the last time you were single, you’ve probably had no time to really sit down and evaluate your own wants and needs. How can you find Mr. Right, when you’re not even totally sure what you’re looking for? Likewise, if you were last single in high school, surely your priorities and tastes have changed since. For one, you’re not attracted to a guy due to his impressive t-shirt collection from Hot Topic like you were as a sophomore. (At least, hopefully not.)
  15. Dating shouldn’t be a hobby. There are only 24 hours per day, and most of those are taken up by work and sleep. If you’re starting to get a little intense about settling down with someone, you’re probably pushing aside other important aspects of life, like friendships, interests, and self-care. Dating is best in moderation, and that means that you’re not going to fall in love tomorrow. Nourishing your actual hobbies and relationships will make you much happier in the long run.
  16. Divorce is expensive. Really, it is. While divorce is unfortunately common, it doesn’t mean that people like to spend money on lawyers and heartache. With relationships, you never know for sure, but if you’re rushing it or forcing it, the chance of a legit “happily ever after” are somewhat slim.
  17. Rose-colored glasses are real and can be incredibly damaging. You’ve probably heard the expression before. When you wear rose-colored glasses, you tend to see things as being better than they are. Sadly, they’re super common in new relationships — especially when you really, truly want to believe that your guy is “The One.” The more you convince yourself of this guy’s heroic qualities, the tougher it’ll be to escape a really awful relationship down the line.
  18. You don’t want to wonder whether or not you settled. When it comes to romance, you have the right to be picky. Wondering down the line if you settled is a heartache waiting to happen. When you let love come to you, and give it time to mature, you’re much more in control of your own feelings, emotions, and future. If you feel impatient now, trust me — that feeling is much better than wondering in a year or so if you could have been happier.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia