Help! My Friends Are Starting To Have Babies On Purpose!

I can’t log onto Facebook anymore without seeing some post about having a “new addition to the family” or a video with an over the top “gender reveal.” I can’t even believe I even know what a “gender reveal” is now. If I sound bitter, it’s because I am. I’m not ready for people to start having babies! I just got used to engagements and weddings and I’m not ready for this phase in my life.

  1. I don’t feel like an adult yet… and I’m starting to think I never will. I’ve always been a pretty realistic person. I was never in a rush to grow up when I was younger. I knew how lucky I had it in school when my only real “job” was to learn fun stuff and hang out with friends. I wasn’t in a rush for it to end. Regardless, I did think that maybe after college I would get the itch to move on, get a full-time job, and head to the suburbs. Well, I got a job and got married, but guess what? I still don’t feel like an adult and I’m still not ready to leave the city. I just feel like a kid with more work! The thought of having my own child on top of that? Personally, that sounds terrible.
  2. I’m not ready for the responsibility. Right now I like being the center of my world. If I want to treat myself to a new pair of sunglasses for summer or that rose gold watch I’ve been eyeing, I can. I work hard and I don’t have a little human that I need to support. It’s nice to have that freedom. I can indulge every once in a while without the guilt of knowing that the $80 for my watch should have gone to my child’s tuition fund instead.
  3. I feel like it’s the end of going out. If I’m being honest, I hardly “go out” anymore — maybe once a month we stay late at a bar or see a band. Even though this is no longer a weekly habit, I still enjoy it and like having the option. I also love a good girls’ night. It’s already hard enough to coordinate these now with all of us having serious jobs and many of us no longer living in the same city. Add babies to the mix, and I’m sure our girls’ nights will either become much tamer or completely non-existent.
  4. Our conversation topics are quickly changing. When we used to grab lunch or an over-priced coffee, our conversations were fun and full of harmless gossip like who was dating who, what relationship was falling apart, the pros and cons of being single vs. in a relationship… you know, the good girly topics. Now, not so much. When we get together, I find us talking about houses, recipes, or worst of all, work. I still enjoy the company, and don’t get me wrong, we still laugh a lot. It’s just different, and I need time to get used to it. Now on top of this, I’m finding myself having conversations about baby names and the cost of childcare. That’s a hard pill to swallow sometimes.
  5. People keep asking me when we’re having kids. Misery loves company. Just kidding! I feel like people with kids keep asking my husband and I this all the time now. We’re not even 30 yet! I know you made a choice and I’m definitely happy that you’re happy, but don’t bring me into it. There are still places in the world I want to see. Having the time to retire and travel later on in life is not a guarantee. I want to see at least part of the world before I settle down and don’t have the option for another 18-25 years.
  6. Goodbye, spontaneity. Right now, if I wanted to go away for the weekend or take two weeks off in the summer to travel, I could. Sure, I’d need to arrange to have someone stop by and feed my adorable cat, but that’s basically the only barrier to entry for me. This all changes when you have a kid. Nothing’s easy when you have a baby to care for. Everything must be carefully planned and just leaving the house seems like it becomes a giant ordeal. Have you seen those diaper bags people cart around? They’re out of control! I can’t imagine having to pack one every time I wanted to leave. Also, strollers? They look like such a hassle!
  7. My social calendar is starting to look a lot different. My calendar used to be filled with birthday celebrations, friend visits, and the occasional wedding. More and more I’m now finding myself attending baby showers and christenings. Sure, these are also nice events — they just need some getting used to on my part.
  8. I’ve come to realize this is not a one size fits all situation. The right time to have kids is different for everyone, and that’s okay. Just because my friends are starting to have kids doesn’t mean I have to. On the flip side, just because I want to wait doesn’t mean they need to. I guess in the end, you have to do what’s right for you.
  9. I really am happy for them. Obviously, I want my friends to be happy. If having a baby is what happiness means for them, then who am I to rain on their parade? I’m sure they’ve deeply thought about it with their significant others beforehand, and it’s nice to see them light up as they share every bit of baby news.
  10. Reluctant acceptance, here I come. My friends are having babies on purpose. While it still blows my mind to say this, and I panic as I think I see a gray hair, this is a part of life that I knew would happen eventually. Now, onto the more important questions in life. What baby shower specialty drinks can be made with Prosecco?!
Victoria Hill is a freelance writer in Boston. Originally from Florida, she is slowly becoming accustomed to Boston winters. She loves writing, coffee, and actually experiencing seasons!