I used to think finding love was something that happened naturally. While I still believe that, I have also experienced the unique hell that dating can be when you’re looking for an actual relationship. Somehow, since I hit my thirties, it has gotten a million times harder to find someone I see myself going on a single date with let alone eventually falling in love with. Despite the mess my love life has been lately, I still have hope that I’ll eventually find the right person—here’s how.
- The alternative isn’t any better. I could be openly bitter about the bad dating luck I’ve had so far, but what good would that do? Expecting the worst isn’t going to attract the kind of person I want to date and it will just make me feel worse overall, so I might as well live my life with hope alive. Time will pass whether I’m single and hopeful or single and jaded, so I choose to be hopeful.
- Positive attracts positive. Naturally, I want to end up with someone who is happy and positive and those types of people aren’t going to want to be around someone who thinks they are cursed and unworthy of love. The reality is, I could meet someone at any moment and the last thing I want is to drive them away without even realizing it with my negative attitude. Hope can be contagious, and that’s the kind of energy I want to give off.
- Dating hasn’t been all bad. I may not have found my forever person yet, but I’ve still had a couple of incredible relationships that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Yes, they ended, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t worthwhile. Not everyone meets the love of their life as a teenager and lives happily ever after (and frankly, I probably wouldn’t have been satisfied if I took that path either), so I’m grateful I’ve had a few good relationships along the way and I’m looking forward to what the next one has in store.
- I’m more likely to meet someone if I keep trying. The only way I’m guaranteed to be alone forever is if I choose to be. As long as I’m out there trying, chances are I’ll come across the right person eventually. Completely giving up hope would mean I’m no longer looking twice at cute guys on the subway, putting myself out there, or making the effort to online date, and I can’t imagine getting to that point. I may go through ups and downs in the level of effort I’m putting into dating, but I know I’ll always be open to possibilities.
- I’m genuinely fine being on my own. There are so many things I like about being single that listing them is a whole other article, but I’ve always been pretty comfortable doing a lot of stuff on my own. I’m at the point now that I’d really like a partner, but that doesn’t erase the fact that I’m independent and capable of being on my own and still being happy. I’m not relying on a relationship to start living my life to the fullest, so it’s a bit easier to brush off a bad date and move on to the next.
- All it takes is one. There are a lot of people in the world, and despite how it seems sometimes, a lot of them are also single and looking for love. Why else would so many of the most popular movies and songs be able love? People love love! There are plenty of roadblocks that can pop up and complicate things but in the end, I believe if I make love a priority, I will find it. After all, it’s not like I need multiple people to fall in love with. I just need one and that is totally doable–even if I have to go on 100 more dates before I find him.
- I try not to take every date so seriously. When you’re dating with a mission to find something long term, every match, text and first date becomes just a little more loaded. It’s hard to stop thinking, “could this be The One?” and just enjoy the moment for what it is. Every date I go on helps me feel a little more comfortable with the whole process and means I’ll be less nervous for the more promising dates. At this point, I’m confident I’m a catch and that’s the most important thing.
- Every experience helps me grow. The good and the bad, every single date I go on helps me learn something about who I am and what I’m looking for (or more often, what I’m definitely not looking for). When I do meet someone I want to get more serious with, I’ll be a better communicator and I’ll definitely appreciate what we have a lot more because I went through so much to find it.
- Settling just isn’t an option. I don’t expect to find perfection, but I do have standards and I have no intention of lowering them just so I don’t have to be alone. I’m a firm believer than it’s far better to be single than it is to be in a bad relationship so by holding out for the kind of partner I know I deserve, I’m keeping hope alive that he exists. There’s no use wasting time on people and situations I know are wrong for me, so I’m prepared to stay single until I find what I’m looking for–no matter how long it takes. If that isn’t hope, I don’t know what is.
