It’s all too easy to read too much into your interactions with a new guy you like, and you might actually convince yourself that he’s into you when he’s not. Here are some signs you’re kidding yourself and he’s just not interested.
- He doesn’t make it easy to get to know him. This shouldn’t be a one-way street—if he never responds or puts in the slightest bit of effort and it feels like you’re pulling teeth trying to make something work, he doesn’t care. If he wants to get to know you and vice versa, he will. He should be interested in what you have to say and he should answer your questions with more than caveman grunts and one-word answers.
- He refuses to make plans for the future. I’m not even talking about long-term, five-year plans like whether he wants kids or plans to live in the suburbs. If you haven’t seen him in a while and there isn’t even a discussion about when the next date is, he doesn’t care when he sees you again. If he wants to spend time with you, he’ll figure out a way to make it work sooner rather than later.
- PDA is not a thing with him. When a guy has his arm around you or holds your hand as you walk down the street, that’s his primal way of letting the other men of the world know that you’re taken. If your dude is trying to get as far away from you as possible in public places, he doesn’t want to be connected to you and you deserve better than that.
- He’s always “too busy” to hang. Everyone’s busy these days. Between work, family, personal life, and trying to actually stay sane, it can be a battle at times. Again, if he wants to see you, he will—no matter how busy he is. Is he making excuses or giving you a legit reason that your date has been postponed yet again? You need to know the difference.
- He doesn’t ask questions back. If you’re the only one asking him about what he does for fun or what his degree was in college and he doesn’t seem interested in the little details of your life, he really couldn’t care less. It really isn’t that hard to ask how your day was or what you got up to last weekend. It’s not mysterious or fascinating to not know anything about someone, it’s annoying and just rude—and a clear sign that he’s not feeling it.
- You like the idea of what he could be. Because you don’t really know this guy (he won’t let you in, so big surprise there), you invent what type of guy he is rather than paying attention to who he actually is. You can’t live on potential, especially when he’ll never reach it with you. It’s time to move on.
- He only reaches out at convenient (for him) times. If he sends you a good morning text first thing in the morning, that’s probably a good sign because it shows he’s thinking about you. If he sends you a text asking if you’re up at 4 a.m., it’s safe to say he’s only interested in getting laid. If he only reaches out when he’s bored or just plain old horny, he isn’t interested in you outside any physical aspects. That’s fine if you’re both OK with a FWB situation, but if you’re looking for a relationship, that just won’t do.
- He pulls a disappearing act a lot. He’s like this weird ghost that just pops up whenever he feels like it. One minute he’s there and the next he’s gone without a trace. Consistency isn’t this guy’s strong suit, but it totally would be if he was legitimately trying to build a relationship with you.
- He’s always distracted. When you actually do hang out, he seems to always be looking at his phone or even looking around at other girls and silently upgrading in his head. His attention isn’t on you. You’re a placeholder until he finds something “better.” You deserve better too, so don’t wait around—go find it.
- You’ve Googled “signs he’s not interested.” Listen to your gut—it’s normally right. If you’re asking yourself if he’s interested, he probably isn’t. It should be clear if someone wants to be with you or not. Don’t waste your time with someone that doesn’t really care or treat you the way you should be treated.
