Signs He Won’t Leave His Girlfriend For You — He Just Wants You On The Side

Loyalty in relationships is no longer a given, so there’s always a chance that the seemingly great new guy in your life may already be taken. In fact, he may even be open about it but insist that their relationship is as good as over and they’re not really even together anymore (except clearly, they totally are). If you notice any of these signs, he won’t leave his girlfriend for you — he just wants you on the side.

  1. When he flirts with you, it’s never just innocently. When a man loves a woman, he usually loves her for something other than how he thinks she’ll look naked. A player looking for something on the side has no time for flirty compliments about your eyes, your hair, or your sense of humor, though. All those flirty pickup lines of his might get your engines running — but if every single one of them is sexually charged, you’ve got to wonder: does he see you as anything other than a sexy fling?
  2. His libido knows no chill. You could spend an hour regaling him of  Hannibal’s triumphant military occupation of the Roman empire, and all he’d have to say in return would be, “I’d like to cross your Alps ;).” If you’re finding him resistant to your every attempt to change the subject away from sex, it’s for a good reason: the prospect of getting some is the only reason he’s talking to you, period.
  3. He’s sent you more than one penis pic, whether you’ve asked for one or not. Ah, the time-honored player calling card: the unrequested penis pick. A man who’s looking for love sends flowers, chocolates or epic poetry; a player looking for a piece on the side sends a blurry pic of his schlong and a less-than-poetic, “u like what u see?”
  4. He’s dirty with you in private, but in public, he’s the perfect gentleman… to another girl. If he’s still posting sweet nothings on her Facebook wall and tweeting her love quotes, then his current relationship is still going strong. When he’s making every effort to preserve his current relationship despite the fact that he’s trying to start something with you, it’s not because he’s trying to let her down easy. He might try to play like they’re not exclusive, but his actions don’t lie (even if he does).
  5. He only seems to want to chat after hours. This is one of the biggest signs he won’t leave his girlfriend for you. Can you think of a time that he’s ever messaged you at length before 10 p.m.? If your answer is no, then you probably already know why: he’s waiting until his girlfriend goes to sleep. It probably rubs you wrong that he’s always putting that darn old girlfriend of his before you… but unfortunately, that’s because she’s his girlfriend — you’re just the girl he’s hoping to score with when she’s not around.
  6. He won’t ask you about your day, but he’ll happily ask for nudes. Knowing that he thinks you’re sexy might be a total turn-on, but if he asks to see your tits more often than he shoots you a non-sexual, “Hey, how are you?” then it might be time to face facts: he probably doesn’t care how your day was going. All the emotional energy that a guy would normally be spending getting to know a girl, he’s already spending on his girlfriend. As for you, you’re ending up with whatever dregs of horniness he has left over at the end of the day.
  7. He complains about his current squeeze but makes no real moves to leave her. Of all the signs he won’t leave his girlfriend for you, this has to be the most obvious. You’re not some kind of classless homewrecker and he knows that. You wouldn’t have even gotten in this deep with him if his constant complaints about his current girl didn’t have you certain that their relationship was doomed from the start. Unfortunately, if their impending breakup is dragging out longer than you ever imagined, it’s not because he’s looking for the right time to cut her loose — all that “relationship struggle” nonsense was just meant to get your hopes up enough he could get his dirty, cheating boot in the door.
  8. You know more about his relationship problems than you do about him. When he calls you up to bitch about his girlfriend, it might make your heart go all pitter-patter… because you’re secretly hoping that this will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. But if all he ever talks to you about is his girl problems, it’s because he’s already sharing everything else with someone else: his girlfriend. He’s only seeing you as a sexy therapist.
  9. You know you shouldn’t have feelings for him. That sour, wormy feeling that’s all twisted up in your gut isn’t just indigestion from binging on too much Ben & Jerry’s, sweetheart — that’s guilt. Maybe at first it was just a little innocent fun until he finally ditched his girlfriend, but if it’s becoming clear that she’s sticking around, the realization is going to hit any moment: you’re the other woman, and for most of us, that is not a sexy place to be.
  10. You’ve questioned whether he has any feelings for you at all. Beyond the feelings you create in his pants, that is. While he’s got no problems making you feel like you’re a total bombshell on the outside, inwardly you just know something is missing — because it is. When he wants you but doesn’t want to be with you, your suspicions of this will only grow. If there’s only room for you in his bed, but not his heart, then kick that wannabe cheater to the curb (and for her sake, hope that his poor girlfriend will do the same).

Why you shouldn’t want him to leave his girlfriend for you

couple cooking in kitchen together

provided by iStock

  1. You don’t want him as your boyfriend. This guy is a whole lot of mess in one body. You should be grateful for all those signs he won’t leave his girlfriend for you because you really don’t want him to. If he did, he’d end up being your problem. You’d never be able to trust him because you know how your relationship with him started, which means you’d constantly be on edge. That’s no way to live.
  2. He’ll end up leaving you for another girl. If it happens with you, it’ll happen to you. It’s flattering to think that this guy only cheated with you because you had such an intense, special connection that he just couldn’t help himself. However, what’s more likely is that he’s a commitment-phobe with no loyalty who thinks it’s fun to break women’s hearts. If he were to end up with you in a relationship, it wouldn’t be long until he played you the same way he’s playing his current girlfriend.
  3. You know he’ll only resent you in the end. If he leaves his girlfriend for you, when things go south with you (which is pretty much inevitable), who do you think he’ll blame? He’ll point out time and time again that he left his girlfriend for you and that you don’t appreciate that or understand how big of a gesture it is, blah blah blah. There won’t be a day that goes by where he doesn’t remind you just how big of a sacrifice he made, and not only is that total BS, it’s also really obnoxious.
  4. It make you beholden to him in some way. Because he’ll throw it in your face all the time that he chose you, you’ll end up feeling like you constantly owe him something, that it’s your fault his relationship fell apart and that you need to go above and beyond to make sure he’s happy and fulfilled to make it up to him and assure the same thing doesn’t happen to you. Screw that.
  5. It makes you a crappy person. You’re supposed to be a girl’s girl. It happens way too often that men come between women or that we betray one another for the sake of some guy, and by getting involved with a guy who you know has a girlfriend, you’re part of that toxic trend. How would you feel if someone did that to you? Exactly.
  6. He’ll never fully be yours. Let’s say you have some magnetic attraction and you convince yourself that you’re meant to be together. How will it feel to know that he’ll never be able to give you 100% of himself because he’s maintaining two relationships at once? You’ll never be able to rely on him in any way because his attention will also be divided. You’ll realize just how lonely this can be if you get involved with him.
  7. You’re better than being second best. You deserve a guy who’s 100% sure about you, who knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’re the one he wants to be with and makes that known to everyone. Meeting him after hours and carrying on some clandestine affair because it’s the only time you can carve out with him is selling yourself short in every possible way. You deserve better.
  8. There’s nothing exciting about being someone’s mistress. Maybe you’ve romanticized the idea of being “the other woman” in your head, getting off on the excitement of lying and sneaking around. If that’s the case, you have some serious growing up to do.
  9. It will destroy your self-esteem. Always sneaking around, hanging on to whatever crumb this guy throws your way is not only demeaning, it’ll completely destroy your self-esteem and your self-respect. There’s only so long you can go on being treated like an afterthought until you begin to feel like one. Don’t do it to yourself.