I’m Still Holding Out For My Ex & It’s Ruining My Life

He was my soulmate… or so I thought. Life pulled us in two different directions and our relationship couldn’t survive the changes. Even though lots of time has passed since then and he almost certainly doesn’t even think about me anymore, I still keep hoping that we’ll end up together again and it sucks.

  1. Everything seemed so perfect between us. It isn’t like the idea of this guy more than who he actually is—we really had something special. I’d never met someone who seemed so custom-designed for me. We had the same interests, laughed at the same things, had amazing sex, the list goes on. What are the chances that someone like him was only meant to be in my life for a short period of time rather than forever?
  2. I’ve convinced myself that the timing was just bad. I know that if it was meant to be, it wouldn’t have fallen apart, right? I’ve tried to tell myself the same thing but there’s still a voice deep within me saying that it wasn’t that we were bad together, it just wasn’t the right time for us to be together. My heart is telling me that if we were to give things another shot, they’d work out perfectly.
  3. No one else will ever be as good as him. This guy is now the standard I have for men and I won’t settle for less. If I were to find someone who could be as amazing as him or even come close, it would be much easier for me to move on. I just know deep down that no other man could possibly make me feel the way I felt when I was with him.
  4. I’m sure he doesn’t feel the same about me. We agreed that it was for the best if we stopped following each other on social media, but I still have his number and I’m pretty sure he still has mine. I tried to keep in contact, but I felt like a fool for always being the one to message him first. I know that if he felt the same way that I do, he’d call or text me, but it’s been silent from his end for weeks.
  5. I know it’s not healthy. I’m not blind to how bad this is for me (and yes, how obsessive it looks). I certainly don’t want to be hooked on someone that I can’t have, but I can’t control my heart’s deepest desires. I tried therapy, I’ve tried dating other people, and I’ve tried everything else I could possibly think of to move on, but I’m still hoping that fate will bring us together again one day.
  6. I feel like I’ll never get over him. Much like you can’t remember what being healthy feels like when you come down with the flu, I can’t remember what it was like to not want this guy as much as I do now. Because of that, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to not want him again. What I feel now seems like it’s permanently manifested in my soul, and I can’t imagine living my life not hoping that we’ll be together again.
  7. If he’s not “The One,” then who could it possibly be? I really thought he was it. He made me feel like we were meant to be together. It wasn’t the first time I’d experienced love but it was the first (and only) time I’ve thought that I’d found the person I’d be spending the rest of my life with. Maybe I was mistaken, but I can’t help but doubt that there’s someone out there who’s more “meant to be” for me than he is.
  8. This doesn’t normally happen to me. Normally I take a maximum of a few days to get over a guy. I don’t really hold onto people like I’m holding onto him. I’m not some crazy girl who gets attached to any guy who treats her well or says the right things. The way I see it, if this is the one person that’s ever had this effect on me, there must be a reason for it.
  9. I can’t make myself listen to reason. In typical fashion, my head and my heart are at war with each other. I know that I need to stop hoping he’ll come back to me, and I know I could find someone else if I let myself move on. But try telling that to my heart. Anything my mind says is being drowned out by my emotional side, and I can’t stop it no matter how hard I try.
  10. I don’t know how to break free from this. I’m a problem solver, and normally when I’m faced with a dilemma like this, I have a solid system to get over it and get on with my life. I surround myself with friends, stay busy, and remind myself that this too shall pass. I’ve pulled out all my usual “get over him” techniques, and none of them have even made a dent in how badly I still want him. If there’s a solution to convincing my heart to let him go, I don’t even know how I’ll ever find it.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.