I have plenty of friends who enjoy casual sex and that’s cool but I can’t do it anymore. After having a few one-night stands and engaging in a bit too much “Netflix and chill,” I’ve decided that hookup culture just isn’t for me.
Hookups made me paranoid about my health. I was always worried about STDs since I didn’t know the sexual history of the guys I was sleeping with. Condoms can prevent unwanted pregnancies and certain sexually transmitted infections but they can’t protect me from herpes, syphilis, or pubic lice. Also, it’s so awkward to discuss birth control and condoms before diving into the sheets. It just kills the vibe, so I’d rather not put myself in that position.
Casual sex is actually pretty boring. Sex is fantastic and orgasms are awesome stress-busters, but sleeping with a stranger or someone I wasn’t emotionally attached to felt monotonous after a while. There were no wow moments; the kisses, the touches, and even the dirty talk didn’t excite me at all. Basically, I’ve realized that I find hookups deeply unsatisfying, so why bother?
I feel like hookup culture focuses on men’s pleasure. Whenever I had casual sex, the guys I slept with all seemed to care way more about getting off than they did about whether or not it felt good for me. They called the shots and got to decide what happened next or which position we’d try. One guy asked me for a blow job but when I wanted him to go down on me, he refused. WTF?
Being slut-shamed was overwhelming. I hated when friends would pretend they were just expressing concern when it was clear they were slut-shaming me and judging me for my decision to sleep with a guy. Where I’m from, people become the talk of the town due to their sexual exploits, and while it shouldn’t matter who you sleep with or how many partners you have, it does and I don’t think I can handle it.
Casual sex can lead to not-so-casual feelings. It’s scientifically proven that the oxytocin you produce during sex makes you more attached to your partner after the act. Intimate gestures like kissing, touching, and cuddling also release the same hormone, so it’s no wonder that I caught feelings for a guy I hooked up with. Unfortunately, he only liked seeing my clothes on his bedroom floor and he had no interest in a real relationship with me. That totally broke my heart and I’d rather not go there again.
The mornings after my hookups were too weird. Since I didn’t know the guys I was sleeping with much, I never knew what to say as I put my clothes back on after we were finished. It was even more awkward if I ended up sleeping over, as some of the guys were totally dismissive and downright rude in the morning. Plus, the walk of shame was too much to bear, especially if I didn’t have a pair of sunglasses with me. No thanks.
Hooking up meant I only attracted toxic guys. You know those men who only see women as a piece of meat and don’t take us seriously? Well, I met loads of them when I was part of hookup culture. I’m smart and funny, but they didn’t care about that—they only wanted to get me into bed. Ugh.
Sleeping around made me feel worthless. Casual sex can be empowering for some people and that’s awesome. I’m not one of those people. Hooking up with randoms didn’t make me confident, it made me question my worth. I felt totally objectified and started to wonder if I had any value other than my body.
I prefer a deep, secure, and nurturing relationship. I’m a very romantic person. I long for a communicative and intellectually stimulating relationship, and sleeping around can’t give it to me. Plus, after all the negative experiences I had while engaging in casual sex, I realized that I deserve better. I deserve a man who isn’t only interested in me when he’s horny, drunk, or bored. I deserve someone who will shower me with genuine affection, intimacy and of course, mind-blowing orgasms.
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