How Do Guys Feel When They Ghost You?

There are lots of thoughts that will go through your head when a guy you were seeing goes AWOL. You’re upset, angry, confused… the list goes on and on. But how do guys really feel when they ghost you? If you’re wondering what’s going through their heads and if they even care about the fact that they’ve treated you so terribly, here are some emotions they could be experiencing.

How do guys feel when they ghost you?

  1. They feel free. Maybe they felt like the relationship was suffocating them, or that it wasn’t the right fit. The thing about guys is that they’re not great at communicating when things go wrong. Something in their minds presumes that women aren’t capable of understanding complex emotions or having hard conversations. Either way, they might feel free when they finally ghost you. It is a limited form of freedom, though. It shows they have no other social tools to talk things through with.
  2. They feel in control. For whatever reason, the guy you’re talking to might end things so that he can feel in control of the situation. Because communication isn’t exactly guys’ thing, this might catch you off guard. Sometimes, guys will pretend that all is well and string you along just to boost their confidence when they leave you adrift. It’s nothing personal, and it’s all to do with their insecurities. It feels like crap, don’t get me wrong, but they’re the ones who will have to learn how to be vulnerable at an embarrassingly old age.
  3. Some guys revel in it. This isn’t all guys, but some jerks do make a habit of ghosting girls because they’re “players.” However, players eventually get laid. Ghosters never do because they don’t let anyone in. That’s on them, and we should pity them.
  4. They feel relief. They will think — and their friends will baselessly back them up — that they dodged a bullet. Sometimes, guys just get scared. That’s not something that anyone can control — it happens to all of us. Some of us just have better communication tools to deal with that. But, if guys find themselves under pressure, they will ghost you because they panicked and don’t know what to do.
  5. They might be confused. Ghosting is common, but it’s also quite an extreme measure. That will leave the guy who leaves you on read with confusing feelings. Just as much as you didn’t get any closure on the relationship that he just ended, neither did he. That leaves people who ghost other people with a host of unanswered questions and insecurities of their own. It’s why guys disappear without warning, but it leads to emotional immaturity. All I can say to that is: thank the stars that you dodged THAT bullet.
  6. They may be glad they’re unattached. Lots of guys feel social pressure to be ‘players’ or always be dating someone. Maybe he thought that ghosting you was the kindest way out of a difficult situation. Often, the relationships that end by ghosting had lots of unresolved issues, or the person involved just didn’t want a relationship at all. The fact that one person needed to escape that pressure so badly is always a sign that the relationship probably should have ended, one way or another.
  7. They start to feel lonely eventually. When they ghost you, they’ll think they won’t be affected by the process. Trust me, they will. After a week of silence, they will feel your absence. We all know the pattern that men go through when relationships end. They start by going to the club and claiming to be fine, but by the end of the week, they’re begging you to take them back. While women process emotions immediately, men put that process to the back of their minds.
  8. After that, they feel regret. This delay in emotional processing might make you feel like only you were hurt by the breakup. However, when guys finally listen to their emotions, they will feel huge regret about ghosting. They will regret both the relationship ending and the way they treated you.
  9. They feel terrible enough to reach out again. This is a warning sign and a big red flag. Without the proper network of mature friends to sound things out, lots of guys will try and get in touch with you again. This not only hurts your feelings, and brings up the old trauma again, but it just shows how poorly thought out his decision was. Ghosting might feel like the easiest option at the time, but the guy will always end up regretting it.
  10. They get jealous. When you inevitably move on, that will inspire feelings of jealousy in them. While they ghosted you, they will nonetheless struggle to see you thrive or meet other people. If they catch wind of you with another boyfriend on social media, they will realize that they made a mistake.
  11. They won’t stop ghosting other people, though. This is my ultimate warning to anyone trying to sympathize with the feelings of a ghoster. A leopard can’t change its spots. Even if you want to get back with them, always remember how they hurt you. If he does it once, he will assuredly do it again.

What does ghosting say about a man?

Regardless of what guys feel when they ghost you, the fact that they could bring themselves to do it at all tells you a lot about who they are and what they stand for.

  1. He clearly has no communication skills. If he did, he would have been able to tell you straight-up that he’s not feeling it. You’re a big girl and you can handle it. The fact that he didn’t bother shows he doesn’t know how to use his words.
  2. His priorities are all over the place. If he was really looking for a relationship/partner, he would have treated you better. Even if you weren’t compatible, a man who prioritizes love does right by the people he dates. Ghosting tells you that this man isn’t really looking for something real.
  3. He lacks emotional maturity. Grown-ups know how to treat other people, and ghosting isn’t part of that treatment. It takes real maturity to be honest and upfront with someone about your feelings. Sure, guys might feel guilty when they ghost you. However, it wasn’t guilty enough to keep them doing it to begin with.
  4. He’s a bit of a coward. He clearly doesn’t have the balls for a confrontation of any sort. That makes him a coward, end of story.
  5. He’s not the type of man you’re looking for. You want a guy who’s present, mature, attentive, and has his act together. A guy who ghosts you clearly doesn’t fit the criteria. Be glad he’s out of your life even if the method leaves something to be desired. You’re better off without him. It’s true even if you can’t see it now.
Hannah has a Masters degree in Romantic and Victorian literature in Scotland and spends her spare time writing anything from essays to short fiction about the life and times of the frogs in her local pond! She loves musical theatre, football, anything with potatoes, and remains a firm believer that most of the problems in this world can be solved by dancing around the kitchen to ABBA. You can find her on Instagram at @_hannahvic.