5 Ways To Get What You Want From Your Partner In Bed Every Time

Regardless of how far women’s equality has come, the orgasm gap is still very real. Men are getting off way more than we are, and that’s bullshit. Sure, sex isn’t all about the Big O, it’s pretty obnoxious when our partners are experiencing such intense pleasure while we’re left to finish ourselves off or languish in another disappointing roll in the hay. Enough is enough! Here’s how to get what you want from your partner in bed every time.

  1. Speak up. You can’t bitch about not getting what you want from sex if you don’t actually express what that is. If you know there’s something that turns you on or that you want your partner to do, tell him. Want your nipples pinched? A finger up the bum? Your earlobe sucked? Whatever you’re into, give him some instruction so he’s not left in the dark. To be honest, he’ll probably be grateful for the guidance.
  2. Show them. Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for life. The old adage is something like that, right? Another great way to ensure you get what you want in bed every time is by giving some hands-on guidance. If you want him to use a certain amount of pressure, put your hands over his and show him. Move him where you want him to be. Illustrate on your body the things you want him to be doing. Again, This kind of instruction is invaluable.
  3. Give positive reinforcement. There’s no bigger mood killer than being made to feel like you suck at sex. He’s not exactly going to be motivated if you constantly point out all the things he’s doing wrong. Instead, boost his ego a bit. When he does something that feels good, tell him. If he hits just the right position or applies just the right amount of pressure, be vocal about it. Making him feel like a sex god (or at least like he’s on his way to becoming one) will pay dividends in the end.
  4. Don’t be afraid to get kinky. Not being afraid to let loose in bed can really heighten your pleasure. Don’t be afraid to be open about your kinks and fantasies with him. He’s likely to be super into trying something new. And the fact that you’re so confident in sharing what you want will likely inspire him to want to try that much harder to get you off.
  5. If all else fails, find a different partner. Life is too short for bad sex. If you find you can’t get what you want from your partner in bed despite following all of the above steps, it may be time to face the facts. You’re not sexually compatible and it’s not going to work. There’s no shame in admitting that your needs aren’t being met. There’s someone out there who can meet them, and the longer you stay with the wrong person, the longer you’re being kept from the right one.
Jennifer has been the managing editor of Bolde since its launch in 2014. Before that, she was the founding editor of HelloGiggles and also worked as an entertainment writer for Bustle and Digital Spy. Her work has been published in Bon Appetit, Decider, Vanity Fair, The New York TImes, and many more.