If you grew up feeling like you never got enough attention or validation from your family, it can have a lasting impact on how you approach love and relationships. It’s tough, but recognizing these patterns is the first step towards healthier, happier connections.
1. You might struggle with low self-esteem.
When you don’t get enough positive attention as a kid, it’s easy to internalize that as “I’m not worthy”. This can make you doubt your worthiness in relationships and settle for less than you deserve. Sadly, this lack of self-love can set the stage for accepting unhealthy treatment from others.
2. You could have trouble trusting others.
If the people who were supposed to love you unconditionally let you down, it makes sense that you’d have a hard time trusting new people. You might fear abandonment or worry that partners will eventually lose interest. Trust is essential for building strong relationships, and if it’s been damaged, it takes time and effort to heal.
3. You might choose partners who are emotionally unavailable.
Sadly, sometimes we unconsciously recreate familiar patterns, even if they aren’t healthy. If you felt unseen as a child, you might be drawn to partners who are distant or unsupportive, unintentionally repeating that old dynamic. It might even feel strangely comforting because it’s what you know, even if it’s painful.
4. You might struggle to open up emotionally.
If your emotions were ignored or dismissed growing up, showing vulnerability in a relationship can feel scary. You might build walls to protect yourself from being hurt again. However, genuine connection requires a degree of vulnerability, and that fear can make building intimacy difficult.
5. You could be terrified of conflict or confrontation.
Growing up feeling like your needs didn’t matter can make you avoid disagreeing or expressing needs. You might become a people-pleaser to avoid upsetting anyone because you fear their disapproval. While wanting to keep the peace is natural, chronically suppressing your true feelings can create resentment and unhealthy dynamics.
6. You might have trouble setting healthy boundaries.
It’s hard to know what healthy boundaries even look like if you didn’t see or experience them as a child. You could fall into a pattern of letting others take advantage of you, or not standing up for yourself. Learning how to set and enforce boundaries is crucial for self-respect and building balanced relationships.
7. You could become hyper-independent.
To avoid feeling let down, you might have learned to rely entirely on yourself. This can make it hard to ask for help or lean on a partner when you need support. While independence is a great trait, refusing to be vulnerable can create a sense of isolation in your relationships.
8. You could feel uncomfortable receiving compliments or affection.
If you’re not used to positive attention, it can feel weird or even disingenuous when you receive it. You may have trouble believing it or feel a knee-jerk need to deflect it. Learning to graciously accept compliments and affection is a step towards building greater self-worth.
9. You might feel an intense need for external validation.
©iStock/knape
Lack of validation as a child can create a deep craving to feel noticed, loved, and appreciated. This can lead to seeking relationships to fill that void, rather than building them on a foundation of genuine connection. True self-worth comes from within, and relying on others to fill that void creates an unhealthy dependency.
10. You might feel like you’re always giving more than you receive.
You’re probably a caring, empathetic person, but you might put everyone else’s needs first because that’s how you learned to get love. Sadly, this can create an unhealthy imbalance in your relationships. A fulfilling partnership requires reciprocity, where both people feel their needs are being met.
11. You might become clingy or anxious in relationships.
That fear of abandonment can be a powerful force. You might feel an intense need for reassurance, constantly worrying that your partner is pulling away or doesn’t really care. This anxiety can stem from a deeply rooted fear of being left alone or rejected.
12. You could accidentally sabotage good relationships.
It sounds crazy, but if you believe deep down that you don’t deserve good things, you might self-sabotage. You could start arguments, withdraw, or find reasons to push the other person away. These destructive behaviors might be a subconscious way to protect yourself from the anticipated pain of being hurt or abandoned.
13. You might have difficulty expressing and receiving love.
Feeling invisible can make it hard to know how to express love in healthy ways. You might struggle to show affection or be overly critical, expecting the other person to prove their love. Learning your own love language and that of your partner can bridge this gap and foster a greater sense of connection.
14. You could develop issues with jealousy and possessiveness.
When you’re constantly worried about being abandoned, it can lead to jealous or controlling behaviors. You might try to dictate who your partner spends time with or try to manage their life. This type of behavior often stems from deep insecurities and can be incredibly damaging to relationships.
15. You might mistake intensity for real connection.
It’s easy to confuse turbulent, emotionally charged relationships with passionate, deep love. But if you grew up feeling unseen, that kind of drama can feel familiar and might be mistaken for the attention you crave. Healthy love includes stability and security, not a rollercoaster of emotions.
16. You could end up in codependent relationships.
Codependency typically stems from unresolved childhood issues. You might fixate on “rescuing” another person or become entirely dependent on them for your sense of worth. These relationships are built on dysfunction, not genuine connection, and can be incredibly taxing.
17. You might stay in unhealthy relationships for too long.
If you’re used to feeling neglected, it might be easier to tolerate unhealthy behaviors than to start all over again. That deep-rooted fear of being alone can be powerful. It’s important to remember you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect in your relationships.
18. You might have trouble knowing what a healthy relationship looks like.
If you didn’t have positive examples, it’s hard to know what good relationships even look like! You might not recognize green flags, or tolerate red flags without realizing it. Learning the hallmarks of a healthy partnership is crucial for breaking unhealthy patterns and finding fulfilling love.
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow Bolde on MSN for more!
