How To Get To Know A Guy Better Before You Decide To Have A Relationship With Him

Relationships aren’t always easy, especially if you’re in one with the wrong person. That’s why it’s a good idea to take it slow and get to know each other first. There are a few ways to test the waters, before getting in too deep and making your relationship official. Read on for some tips to help you get to know the guy and learn more about him before deciding if he’s right for you.

  1. Spend time with him and his friends. The people we surround ourselves can say a lot about us. So if you’re trying to get to know a guy without being too obvious, try inserting yourself in his squad. Hang out with him and his friends together to see what type of people he spends time with. And keep an eye out for how he interacts with them and what kind of role he seems to play in his group. Is he the shy and quiet one, the supportive friend, or the confident storyteller? This is one of the best ways to get to know a guy and can help you decide if he might be a good match for you and your personality.
  2. Hint at the future. You’re not sure you want to be with him, so you definitely don’t know if you want to have a future together yet. Still, giving hints about your ideal future can help you decide if you’re on the same path. Casually mention your desire to live abroad one day or your dream of having a big family. Then, gauge his reaction and if he expresses having the same goals as you.
  3. Check his exes. An easy way to learn about a guy is by checking his social media profiles (unless he’s one of the rare ones without one). If you’re connected online already, go one step further and do a little snooping to see who he dated before. If his social media accounts are full of pictures with random girls, he may not be ready for anything serious. But if you notice one consistent girl in his posts from months ago, he’s probably the relationship type.
  4. Talk about him with others. When your guy isn’t around, mention him in conversation with mutual friends. Whether you ask for information directly or not, they’ll likely tip you off to what kind of person he is. Notice how they talk about him and whether they have mostly positive or negative things to say.
  5. Share a problem. You should never rely on a partner (or future partner) to solve all your problems for you, but it’s natural to share worries and complaints with others, including in relationships. And how partners respond can sometimes make or break these bonds. Next time you’re together, share a personal issue and see how he replies. Ideally, he’ll listen and offer some compassionate comforting. He may also try to offer his advice to help you overcome the issue. But if he seems to barely listen or care, that speaks volumes about the type of partner he might be in the future.
  6. Hang out alone. If you’re like the 68% of couples that start off as friends, you might be used to hanging out casually in groups. And like mentioned before, this can help you learn more about him and the types of people he surrounds himself with. But if you two are constantly in the company of others, it’s time to plan a one-on-one meetup. Spending time alone, just the two of you, is the only way to find out what it might be like if you were a couple, away from mutual friends. Keep an eye on his behaviors and how you feel when you’re together. Is there a lot to talk about and the conversation flows naturally? Is he kind and respectful to you? Does he pay attention to you, without getting distracted or checking his phone? If so, he might be boyfriend material.
  7. Invite him to join a hobby. If you’re lucky, you two may already have a shared hobby or favorite activity. And if not, asking him to try your hobby with you is a great way to bring him into your world to see how well he adapts. Notice if he’s game for trying new things with you, even if it’s new to him. And whether the hobby is playing a sport or cooking together, it’s a chance to see how well you collaborate and work together.
  8. Leave your comfort zone. You may still not be sure about starting a relationship with him, and that’s okay. But sometimes, you have to move a little closer to really get to know someone. Even if you want to keep things friendly and avoid falling for him just yet, it still helps to get out of your comfort zone and start making bigger moves. Next time you hang out, let him know you’re open to a date and not just another hangout session. Make eye contact and ask slightly more intimate questions. Try messaging a little more often, and begin showing your curiosity. Though it might feel a little awkward at first, being more vulnerable and open will test your true compatibility and help you get to know him on a deeper level.
Relationship educator, writer, host of the Relationship Reminders podcast, and mental health advocate hailing from the US and currently based in Tokyo