We all want to think that we’re emotionally unavailable, mysterious heroes of a Jane Austen novel, but the reality is quite different. We’re all needy and that’s because we’re human. Sue me for wanting to hang out with the person that I love! That said, we don’t always get the attention we deserve. I’m sure we all bear that with grace and patience, but when that isn’t possible and we start to resent people not paying attention to us, there are certain protocols you can engage with to get what you want. Here’s how to get your boyfriend’s attention when he’s ignoring you.
- Be creative. This is the time to draw on all your time together with your partner. Think about his favorite things like the food he loves, and his most nostalgic places. Make sure you identify what you want but don’t let that interrupt what he wants. You’re in a relationship but you’re individuals with separate needs. You want different things and that could be where frictions are emerging in your relationship if he needs a little space. Think about what you want to do together and focus on how to make his life better.
- Get physical. If you feel like you’re in a bit of a rut with your partner, there are ways you can refresh things. Maybe you’re finding it hard to express yourself emotionally or mentally, but you can start that conversation of sorts by negotiating your physical relationship. It won’t magically fix anything, of course, but it’s worth considering. It’s important to read the room, of course, he might be needing a little space for more long-term reasons. That said, there are worse things than returning to the basics and making each other feel good.
- Ask what’s wrong. If your boyfriend is keeping out of your way then it might be for a more significant reason. Don’t dismiss his moodiness for just being grumpy. We have to learn to listen to people around us and hear what they’re telling us. The simple act of communication will allow you to get to the bottom of things. Even if he’s not ready to talk about it, he’ll know that you’re there for them. It will take the edge off. He will be able to relax and accept your help in a healthy way.
- Get advice from friends. This is where you want to be able to reach out to your support group. The value of a network is so important here. Other people have gone through the same things as you have and that is so reassuring. Sometimes we feel alone in the problems that we face and it causes us to panic. He’ll be all too happy to help and will remind you of why your relationship is so important.
- Ask his friends what’s wrong. If he doesn’t want to talk about things yet, maybe check in this his friends first. If he’s being strange and distant with them as well as you, there might be a more pressing issue to resolve. It is likely not personal, sometimes people need space. That shouldn’t be questioned.
- Stay calm. This isn’t the time to panic and make intense decisions. If he’s ignoring you he might just want time and space to reflect. If you impinge upon that time and stress him out even further, you risk making things worse. Communicate and tell him you’re there for him, but don’t push. He will push back because you’re not listening to him.
- Don’t blame him for having other people. If he has a full and rich life outside of you, that’s a good thing. In fact, that’s healthy. You should do the same. Don’t waste away waiting for your partner to return to bring joy to your life. Make it yourself. Be individuals. You will feel in much more control of your life.
- Stay busy. Use this time as an excuse to enrich your life. Talk with friends, hang out with your old pals, and stay strong. You are strong and interesting and worthy of love. Love isn’t the same as attention, though. Do you like him or do you just like the attention? We all express it in different ways, and that’s natural.
All this to say, when you want your boyfriend’s attention, be kind and be compassionate. Keep it simple and focus on what he needs.
