It started out as harmless fun. All you wanted to do was hook up and then go home to sleep in your own bed, but something happened, and now you actually like this guy and want more. The question is, how can you suddenly upgrade yourself from just a hookup to girlfriend? With a little patience, it’s not that hard, especially if he’s secretly into you too. While some girlfriends have found themselves downgraded to hookups, you’re ready to go in the opposite direction. You’re not needy and you have your own life. You’re just ready to share that life with him beyond just some late-night fun.
- Make him miss you. The more you come running when he calls or hang out where you’ll know he’ll be, the needier you’ll seem. Instead, avoid him sometimes. If you both regularly hang out at the same places, change your routine. When you’re not around as much, he’ll begin to miss you and be more eager to see you. It’s not normal or appropriate to be together 24/7. Giving things space to breathe really can work wonders.
- Step up your texting game. You might think it’s cute to text him when you barely know how to make your phone work, but all that tells him is you’re a drunken party girl. He’s not going to take you seriously. Instead, try sending him sober texts to get together beyond hooking up. This shows your interest and kinda throws it out there that you’d be open to hanging out and not having sex. Keep it casual so that there’s no pressure on the situation.
- Ask him out on an actual date. Okay, so this should be obvious. You don’t have to wait for him to make the first move. If you’re adult enough to hook up, you’re adult enough to ask a guy out. After you’re done one night, ask him if he’d like to get dinner sometime. If you get the panicked look, tell him it’s just as friends. You can always reel him in later. However, this is a good way to test the waters.
- Show him you’re more than a hot body. He’s already seen some of your assets, now it’s time to show him you have personality too. Make jokes, flirt, and just have fun. Guys have a hard time resisting a sexy woman with a killer personality. Let him get to know who you are beyond the physical side. It’s hard to stay a hookup when he knows you’re so much more. The more you show off your intelligence, kindness, and sense of humor, the harder you’ll be to resist.
- Make a real connection. There aren’t any rules that say you’re not allowed to talk during a hookup. Go ahead and talk to him. Find out what he likes to do when he’s not in between the sheets with you. He’ll never see you as more than a hookup if you never talk to him. Get him talking and build a friendship. Before you know it, he’ll want a relationship.
- Find out if he’s open to a relationship. Ask him if he’s hooking up because he’s looking for a relationship or just to have fun. You might be surprised how many guys are just hooking up because they’ve given up on finding something more stable. You might find out that he’s looking for more and that’s your chance to ask him out.
- Ask him why he’s single. You should be willing to share your own reasons for this too. This is a good way to discover if he even wants to date right now or if it’s a bad time for him. Remember to respect his choice if he’s honestly not ready to be with anyone right now, and respect yourself enough to move on before you get seriously hurt.
- Don’t act like his wife when you’re not even his girlfriend. Most guys hate nagging, needy women. They also hate being around bitchy women. While we all have those times, now is the time to avoid being any of those stereotypes. Show off your happier personality and don’t nag him. It might take several tries to get him talking. Texting him 20 times in a row with various questions or begging him to take you out isn’t going to help you win him over.
- Call him out on his crap. Does he get up and leave without so much as a thank you when he’s done? Don’t let him get away with it. Even hookups deserve respect. Asserting yourself makes a guy see you as a confident, attractive woman and not a quick way to relieve stress. When he respects you, he can’t help but see you as a potential girlfriend.
- Don’t base your life around him. Guys are usually more attracted to what they think they can’t have. If he suggests hooking up, turn him down. Tell him you’re busy or already have plans with someone else. This makes him jealous, shows him you have a life outside of him and makes him want you even more. Obviously you shouldn’t go too far with this, or it could completely backfire.
Can a hookup really turn into a relationship?
It’s definitely possible that you can go from his hookup to his girlfriend. Sometimes two people discover an undeniable connection with one another that just can’t be denied and progressing from sex to relationship territory is totally natural. However, this definitely isn’t the status quo and you shouldn’t get your hopes up prematurely that this can be the case for you.
The best thing you can do, if you think there’s a chance for something more between you, is to have a conversation with him about how you feel and see where he stands. However, beware: once you broach the topic, you’ll never be able to go back.
Do you actually want to go from hookup to girlfriend? Things to consider
Sure, he’s great in bed, but there’s a difference between him getting you off and him being the person you spend most of your free time with and come home to at the end of the day. It might sound romantic to turn your sexual connection into a more romantic one, but maybe that’s not what that relationship is. Before you make the move to upgrade your situation, consider these things.
- Sexual chemistry doesn’t mean romantic chemistry. Just because you have fireworks together in bed doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll have the love story of the century if you decide to pursue an actual relationship. People can have an incredible spark sexually but there’s not much there once you dig below the surface. It’s possible that the connection you have won’t be there if you dig a little deeper.
- You don’t know him well enough to make a decision like that. If you’re strictly on hookup terms at the moment, chances are you haven’t allowed yourselves to be vulnerable enough to get to know much about each other. What was his childhood like? Is he close with his family? Has he ever been in love before? What does he want out of life and love? If you don’t know the answer to these questions, you don’t want him to be your boyfriend. How could you?
- You might not want to limit your options so early on. Yes, you want to find love and settle down with someone, but don’t you owe it to yourself to see what (and who) is out there before you make a decision? That’s not to say that if you go from hookup to girlfriend, that’s your love life over forever. However, it might be better to explore your options for a bit before you commit.
- Not all connections we make are meant to be permanent. If you’re someone who’s super traditional, maybe you think that if you sleep with someone, you should be in a relationship with him. Yes, sometimes it happens that you hook up with a guy and discover you actually want to date properly, but it’s not the end of the world if that doesn’t happen. Be open to the possibility that this might be all there is between you and that’s okay.
- He might not be interested in a relationship. Maybe you want to be his girlfriend and take things to the next level, but what about what he wants? There’s a pretty big chance that he’s fine with things the way they are and his feelings are surface-level at best. He’s attracted to you and likes sleeping with you, but he might not want to date you — or date anyone at all. If you entered this arrangement with the understanding that it was casual and then you try to flip the script, that might not go over very well.