Love is awesome. And in order to find it, you sometimes have to swallow your pride, put yourself out there, and take some scary risks. But finding love shouldn’t require you to compromise your self-respect or do things that are likely to turn you into the-guy-of-your-dreams’ hookup when you were actually trying to be his girlfriend. Here are 8 things you shouldn’t do:
Not having a life.
Don’t be the girl whose entire life revolves around whatever guy she’s into, dropping everything for him the second he wants to hang out. What’s way more interesting is a woman who has a full life, self-respect and options. If you want to be the girl that guys want to date and not the one they just hook up with, focus on living a great life — maintain strong friendships, be passionate about something, eat healthy, stay active, have FUN, and enforce some standards for how men need to behave in order to be with you. If a guy treats you well, you’re available. If not, you have better things to do, right?
Being way too accommodating.
Compromise — like going to the restaurant he wants to go to because he went to the restaurant you wanted to go last time — is great. But pretending to be an overly nice girl who doesn’t have any opinions or preferences is a surefire way to kill chemistry. Being a doormat is not interesting and it’ll probably make him see you as just a body and not someone he wants to have a relationship with. What’s sexy is a woman who has dreams, plans, and ideas and doesn’t immediately give them all up for a guy.
If he’s giving you mixed signals — telling you he adores you and then disappearing, for example — but you’re still into him, ready to meet up whenever he texts, you’re just someone he’s hooking up with and, as long as you continue letting him take advantage of you, you’ll never be someone he’ll take seriously. If you want a shot at being his girlfriend — and we honestly hope you don’t because this guy sounds like a loser — you should ignore his texts and move on. There’s a decent chance he’ll come to his senses and chase you or, at the very least, he’ll move on to his next hookup so you can meet a decent guy.
Being the first to reach out.
When you’re first getting to know a guy, let him reach out to you. Why? It’s a great test of whether he’s worth your energy: if he’s into you, he’ll text you. If he’s not into you, he won’t, in which case you should focus your attention elsewhere. It’s that simple. So, if you’re coming up with all sorts of reasons why you should reach out to him, STOP. All you accomplish is showing him that you’re obsessing about him and that makes you way less attractive, turning you into a hookup option instead of someone he sees as a girlfriend. You’re better off waiting until the next time you see him — maybe you’ll end up having a cool conversation with him that sparks his interest and finally leads him to be the first to reach out.
Not letting him miss you.
Okay so he texted you first, you had a nice back and forth, and now it’s the next day. You’re dying to hear from him. So, you make up some lame excuse to reach out, craft a text that you (naively) think doesn’t reveal the fact that you’ve been thinking about him every waking second, and hit send. Congratulations! You’ve just knocked yourself down a notch in his book. If you continue not exercising restraint, you’ll just make it impossible for him to miss you and feel appreciation for you. The result: he’ll get bored and move on. Remember — guys like a challenge. The more you behave like a strong, independent woman with a full life — one who doesn’t lose herself over a guy she barely knows — the more desirable you’ll be.
If texting a guy who’s not texting you is a 7 on a 1-10 scale of stuff you shouldn’t do, drunk texting is a 9. You might think that being drunk is the best time to text a guy you’re crushing on because you can always claim that the vodka made you do it but pleaaaaase, he’ll still know that you’re totally consumed by thoughts of him and, like we said, that’s not hot. Not convinced? We did an entire article about drunk-texting that you should read now.
Prematurely asking him what his deal is.
Once we realize we like a guy, we often fall hard and fast while the guy continues moseying along, at his own pace. At this point, he may not be totally into you but he could still get there, as long as you don’t prematurely push the issue. If you want to be his girlfriend and not just a girl he hooks up with, continue focusing on your life, behaving like a girl who respects herself, being cool and doing you. Eventually, he’ll be so into you that he’ll initiate the conversation. And if not, whatevs — if you’re truly in a good, strong place, you’ll be beating men off with a stick.
Acting like he’s your boo before he is.
Sure, we start picking baby names after the first date but, like we just said in #7, guys sometimes move at a slower pace. So if you’re out with a bunch of people, including the guy you just hooked up with, and he’s not really paying attention to you, don’t freak out on him — he’s not your boyfriend and you have no basis for complaining. We’re not saying he’s not being insensitive — he is — but, at this point, the only healthy/appropriate reaction is to ignore him and continue acting like the hot, single woman you are. Maybe he takes notice, maybe he doesn’t, but you will have saved yourself from him deciding you’re crazy and then proceeding to potentially use you.
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