After some breakups, you feel nothing but gratitude that you made it out alive and relief to be free of your former partner. However, that’s not always the case. When you still love your ex even after the relationship ended, that can make it incredibly difficult to get over him and move on. If you’re struggling with finding closure and leaving that phase of your life behind, here are some tips to help you get there. Spoiler alert: it’s not quick or easy, but you’ll get there.
- Go no-contact and block/delete him on everything. This is perhaps the hardest step you can take, but if you still love your ex and you want to heal from this breakup, it’s a necessary one. Remove his number from your phone or block it altogether, especially if you think he may find out. Stop following him on social media and remove him from your friends on Facebook or wherever else you’re connected online. The old saying “out of sight, out of mind” plays a big part in helping you move on here.
- Get real about where your relationship went wrong. It’s easy to look at your relationship through rose-colored glasses now that it’s over. After all, that’s what allows you to hold onto the affection you had for him and continue loving him. It was all so romantic and special and you were meant to be, right? No, that’s wrong. Admit to yourself where the relationship went wrong and really pinpoint why you’re better off without one another. Giving yourself this dose of logic might not sink in right away, but the more often you reflect on this, the sooner it’ll start to resonate.
- Locate the lessons and truly learn them. Every relationship has lessons to teach us, no matter who it’s with or how long it lasted. You might still love your ex, but after your breakup, it’s important to focus on the things that serve you. The most important is to figure out what your relationship with him has to teach you. How has being with him changed you? What did you struggle with and what can you improve on? Making it an opportunity for growth rather than a tragedy will go a long way in helping you heal.
- Give yourself some grace. At the end of the day, it’s totally normal to feel upset and have lingering feelings after a relationship ends, especially if you were together for a while. Really settle into the sadness for a bit and let yourself experience and work through that emotion. After all, denial or distraction are only going to prolong the process. Giving yourself the space and grace to feel your feelings will go a long way in helping you process and move on from them.
- Focus on self-care. Maybe a small part of you will always love your ex, no matter how long it’s been after the breakup. That’s okay. However, focusing on self-care will allow you to turn your focus inward and put your time and energy into things that make you whole. Maybe you start going back to the gym or you take up painting. Perhaps you join a pottery class or start learning another language. Maybe you even start spending more time with your old friends and your family again. These things will uplift and inspire you, making it easier to move on.
